From the moment we are born, we are actually in the process of dying. I read that somewhere and it actually makes perfect sense. There is no point in fighting against the inevitable, rather embrace it and find the humor in it. The only sorrow that should be felt at death is if that person did not have the chance to really live. I do not want to have regrets. Regrets that I didn't take a chance or I didn't see an opportunity through to the end. I want to be crazy and laugh as much as possible. I want my ending to be memorable and hopefully emphasize how I lived.
The one thing that I absolutely do not want is a traditional viewing of the body ceremony. This is the most horrifying tradition that I have ever witnessed. I cannot imagine anything more humiliating that being stared at after I am dead and someone else has fixed my hair and makeup. You inevitably look like a clown or a two dollar hooker; I'm not sure which is worse. When I think of it I get the same feeling I do when I dream I've shown up for work naked.
When I die I want to have a traditional Viking funeral, with my body wrapped in a shroud, put on a raft and floated out to sea. At the appropriate moment a flaming arrow must be shot into the raft, lighting it on fire and sending me on my way to the afterlife. All my friends and family must recite the prayer from 'The 13th Warrior'.
Lo, there do I see my father.
Lo, there do I see my mother and my sisters and my brothers.
Lo, there do I see the line of my people back to the beginning.
Lo, they do call to me. They bid me take place among them in the Halls of Valhalla.
Where the brave may live forever...
Is this to much to ask? I do not want to hear about body disposal laws or how my family will feel performing this. I will be dead, I am pretty sure I should be the center of attention. I would also like a small memorial stone next to one for my husband that reads:
Here lies Marsha,
She went the way she wanted.With a flaming arrow up her ass,
and a spirit that could not be daunted.
I would like for my husband's to read:
Here lies Mike,
Forever haunted,
by the wife he worshiped,
and should not have taunted.
Or it could just read "I'm with Her." And have a big arrow pointing to my stone. I haven't decided yet and he may actually have some thoughts on the subject that I should pretend to listen to.
I think it's very important that we match even in death.