by Alissa King

Created on: January 21, 2009   Last Updated: February 21, 2009

Homework can be a contentious issue on the home front, especially if a child has adopted an attitude of defiance toward the very mention of the stuff. Working around that attitude requires patience and a willingness to get to the root of the problem. You may have to do some homework of your own, as a parent, before a peaceful resolution to the stalemate can be had.

Some parenting issues require more of a bilateral approach. For example, a totalitarian insistence that your student buckle down "because you said so" will probably lead to poor study habits in the long-term.If your son or daughter expresses outright defiance when faced with a trying assignment, resist the impulse to strong-arm them into the task. The dictatorial approach could create further feelings of negativity. While you can make your child sit with their work and do nothing else till the task is completed, you can't make them focus energy or attention into solving problems and producing results worth being proud of. That effort has to come from them, ultimately.

If the mention of homework brings a dread pall to your homefront, consider bringing your whole toolbox to the table. Do not underestimate the power of bribery as a motivational tool. While teachers would likely prefer that a child's academic effort spring from a pure appreciation of learning for learning's sake, it is not realistic to suppose this will sustain motivation in every subject, throughout every academic year in a child's life. Inspiration and motivation don't undermine the process, they just help it along a bit.

Communication is a good starting point. Even if it feels awkward, try opening a dialogue to discover why your child is so negative about school related work. You may be surprised to find out the cause of their anxiety. It could be they don't understand the work, or maybe they feel overwhelmed. As a student, I would sometimes let things pile up till I was in a real scrape, and my growing panic made me avoid the situation even more. If the issue boils down to simply not wanting to be told what to do, then allowing them the responsibility of determining when and how they approach school work is a possibility. This is where rewards can lend powerful motivation: Make a deal with them that if they manage their homework on their own, and receive good reports from the teacher,they will receive something special for their effort.

In addition to this idea, keep a chart on the fridge where they can leave a check-mark each day when homework is done. Agree that if they keep up and maintain good grades, you will not nag or pester them about their homework. Keep that promise. If your child feels you respect and trust their process, it's a step towards the most beneficial outcome of your compromise: Namely, they will feel personally invested in the outcome of the work they do.

And that's an A+ outcome from a parenting point of view.

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