by Cathy Mcclellan

Created on: January 21, 2009

God walks with us every day. Some may not realize it, but He is there. He will never leave his children. And He will always bring them back together.

My father died suddenly of a heart attack in 1984. My parents were married 40 years. I missed my father so much as was so angry that I was not able to tell him bye and that I loved him. My mother told me he heard me anyway. I believed it because of my faith in God but I was 25 years old and had not had many tragic experiences in my life so wasn't quite sure of the depth of my faith.

My mother was so lost without my father but she carried on and continued to work until 1992 when she fell and broke her hip and was not able to stand and be a beautician anymore.

She loved to read and spent many days reading devotionals and scripture. She was always so serene and calm. I often wondered how she could be so seemingly content as she spent her days not being able to walk or get out of the house much. Most of the time she stayed in her bedroom reading or watching TV. She had her telephone, purse, bills and always several packages of chocolate! She loved chocolate.

In late 1998, she was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer and she could have had her bladder removed but she chose not to. She had had a good life and she was content with the prognosis that she probably would not live more than a year.

As time went by she seemed to grow more content. I did not understand it. I was so scared of losing my mother! And angry again. She would just smile and tell me, "You will see me again baby girl". I thought, "NO". There is no life after death. It seems like a black void! How in the world would I see her again!

But I never said anything. I didn't want to upset her with my questions. You see, even though I have always had a strong belief in God, at the same time, I had so many questions. We didn't go to church often enough. So I struggled silently.

When she became sick enough that it was close to the end, I stayed with her night and day. I had seen people die alone while working in the medical field and I absolutely refused that a family member of mine would take that journey to that black void alone!

A couple of nights before she died, she was sitting on the side of her bed with me in front of her in a chair. We weren't speaking much as she was in a confused state. Or so I thought.

She started swinging her legs and giggling like a school girl! She then said, "Oh Conor (my father), I can't yet". I looked at her thinking she must be reliving something in the past. I then asked her who she was talking to, just to humor her. She looked at me oddly and said "your daddy" and she tilted her head toward the end of the bed!

I had a rush of tingles up my spine, looked to the end of the bed and asked my mother "mama, do you see daddy?" She said "of course, silly, don't you see him standing there?" Oh my God! I didn't see him but I sure felt a strong presence!

I asked my mother "well, what does he want?" She said "he has come to get me but I told him I can't go yet". I asked her why and she said "because you need me".

I knew then that it was my job to make sure she knew I would be ok and that she could go with him and God.

I learned that night that God never leaves us and He has prepared a place for us to all meet again.

Now that my husband is terminal I know that he will go and prepare a place for me next to our loved ones and God and when the time comes.......well, I hope he comes to get me to guide me too.

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