by Kellie Webster

Created on: January 21, 2009

I became a single parent when my marriage dissolved. Far from sharing the joys of raising my children with my ex-husband, I was thrown into being their primary care giver. Working full time, dealing with divorce and raising two children alone was not a situation I was expecting or prepared for.

Whilst I relished the role and took my responsibilities seriously, I unwittingly started to lose my own identity. I forgot how to relax. Pretty soon I got lost in my many roles and I stopped having fun especially with my children who missed the entertaining Mum they'd always loved.

It was at this time that I realised I needed to get a life. I had to cease feeling guilty for having my children baby sat. I needed to stop trying to make up for the absence of their father. I had to find me again, and I had to find fun again. It was also about leading by example, showing myself and my children that you only needed yourself to have fun, and happy families came in all different shapes.

First thing to do was stop trying to be super mum, accept that sometimes I couldn't do everything and it was okay to let the housework go every now and again. If I needed a break or was feeling run down it was okay to stop and play. If my children wanted me and the task at hand was not essential, then stop and play. If something can wait, then I should let it. If fun could be had then it needed to be my first priority.

Of course House work eventually has to be done, so why not combine housework with fun. Depending on their ages it can be to fun to involve your children.
I have found great enjoyment making cup cakes with my children. It is fun to watch their faces as the egg cracks or the flour puffs up in their faces. My children also love to do the dishes, bubbles and suds end up everywhere, you have to laugh.

Once I realised I didn't have to do everything perfectly I discovered I had to find what I liked doing. I knew I enjoyed the company of friends and family, but there was more to me than that, I was sure. I sought the old me, the one who was confident, the one who laughed. I'd lost that part of me when I got married, it changed again when I had children, and now suddenly single it had changed again.

The first step to finding myself was accepting offers of baby sitting from friends and family, or finding a care-giver/babysitter who I felt comfortable with. Once I was confident my children were in good hands I was able to relax and concentrate on myself. I was ready to jump in to find my smile

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