by Ray Fauteux

Created on: January 21, 2009   Last Updated: March 26, 2009

There are few people who can say they have gone through the childhood years without making their own share of mistakes. Whatever mistakes a child makes, what's truly most important is how parents make the most of those mistakes as an opportunity to help children learn and grow.

Most likely the majority of the mistakes children make are not so serious, but are actually an important ingredient in the process of learning and maturing.

However, what would you do if the police called you and said your son had just been arrested for impaired driving? The very same son that you had lectured until you were blue in the face about "never" getting behind the wheel of a vehicle after drinking? The very same son who promised you that it would "never" happen?

Parents have the enormous responsibility of preparing a child to step out into the world with the proper tools to become a contributing member of society. Being a good parent is without doubt the most challenging and important task a person will every undertake.

Parenthood is an intricate balancing act comprised of patience, understanding, forgiveness, and love. Over the years a parent will have to be a friend, a confidante, a teacher, and a disciplinarian. Handling one solitary situation the wrong way could well have a devastating and lasting effect on your child's future.

So what will you do-what will you say-the first time you see your son after you find out what he did? How will you react? What will be inside your heart?

Anger? Disappointment? Fear? Sadness?

Most likely you feel a little bit of everything. You feel angry at him for what he did. You are disappointed in him because he let you down, and perhaps disappointed in yourself for somehow failing in your role as a parent. Chances are you might also fear where this might be leading to down the road, and your sadness is a result of realizing how badly he must feel inside.

So what do you say to him? What do you talk about when you confront him for the first time?

Well, you talk about what's in your heart. That's as good a place to start as any. You talk about your anger because what he did was dangerous to him and many other people. You talk about your disappointment in him and in yourself for having somehow failed him. You talk about your fear and what could have happened and just how devastating the outcome could have been if there had been an accident. You talk about how "he" feels because most likely he will feel pretty bad for many, many reasons. Most of all you forgive him because you realize this is a pivotal moment in his life and your relationship with him.

By expressing your feelings you have been honest with him. By sharing the blame you have taken some of the burden off of him. By expressing your disappointment you challenge him to do his best to make it up to you. By talking about your fears you make him realize how serious the situation is and where it can lead if changes in his behavior are not made.

By forgiving him you gain his trust, and most likely once you both get past this dark day, your act of forgiveness will be his inspiration to prove that your trust is not misplaced.

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