by Jennifer Jacquet

Created on: January 21, 2009

I didn't mean to fall in love.

In fact, i fought it with everything i had. But the harder i fought it, the harder it pressed. You can't fight love forever.

See, i was just coming out of a bad breakup. It was my freshman year of college, and the new guy, Jacob, lived on the same floor as my ex. And Jacob had this whole unit-solidarity thing (he was in the army), so i knew he wouldn't pursue the ex of a floormate. Also, he thought that relationships were bad news. Also, two (not one, but TWO) of my best friends on campus also liked Jacob. One of them was gay, and had come out to me by confessing his feelings for Jacob. So obviously, i couldn't have him. He was way, WAY off-limits.

But he was so cute. He had these incredible grey-green-blue eyes, and this funny grin. The eyelashes on one eye were blonde, and on the other they were brown. He was toned, too. Army guy, remember? which of course, meant that he was a man in a uniform. Ladies, need i say more?

We had a J-term class together, and the four of us (me, Jacob, and my two friends who liked him) began to hang out all the time. Three of us were in the same class, and we would all eat together and study together and just talk. And one day, early in spring semester, i got a new haircut. When i sat down to dinner that night (across the table from him), he looked up to greet me and said, "Oh, you got your hair cut! It looks lovely!"

That was the moment that i fell.

He got my screenname, and we used to IM one another all the time. Then, he got my phone number, and we began to text one another constantly. And then, he announced that he was transferring to a different school, twelve hours away. I thought, 'This is it. This is a sign that it's not meant to be. He's going to go away and just fade out of my life, and it will all be over and done with.'

And then, about a day after i got home for the summer, he texted me.

We talked even more over the summer than we had when we were at school together. And let me just tell you, the way i had felt before was nothing to the way that i felt now. I contrived to see him once more before heading back up to New England for school, and then we began our sophomore years.

During that first semester apart, i managed to get him to confess that he would like to be in a relationship one day. Not with me, neccessarily. I was nowhere near bold enough to suggest that. Just a relationship, in the abstract. Then, one day, i (jokingly) told him that we should get married one day. He agreed. Jokingly, of course.

I haven't seen him since the first week of December. It's now almost the end of January. Not a day, not a minute goes by that i don't miss him, but not a day or a moment goes by that i don't know for sure that he's worth waiting for. It's going to be a while before we're in the same place emotionally. It's going to be a while before we're both ready to get married. It's going to be a while before it's practical. I haven't even told him that i love him yet.

But i just know. I love him, and therefore it will all work out for the best.

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