by Shelley G.

Created on: January 20, 2009

"Have a seat, young man!" "Look at me when I'm talking to you so that I know you're getting this!" These phrases are likely to elicit certain responses from your child. For the younger child who still has the desire to please you, attentiveness to your words may last for a spell. For many a teenager who is in the throes of attaining his or her independence, you may already have recognized that the desire to please you has waned and the once respectful fear of you has vanished like a vaporous gas.

The signs are unmistakable, of course. If you child is fidgeting, stretching his arms and legs, or taking intermittent glances at the spot on the floor wondering if it's the same bug he squashed the day before, then congratulations to you! At least your child is awake! However, if while looking directly into your youngster's eyes, you observe the glassy, glazed-over stare, odds are good that you have already been tuned out. The eyes are open, but alert and attentive they are not. The lights are on, but nobody's home. The train has already left the station. Do I have YOUR attention? If wordy, descriptive phrases aren't your cup of tea, I lost you a while back. Ah, now you have personal insight and a keen understanding of the perils and pitfalls of lengthy lectures.

What, then, is a parent to do? Before the next opportunity arises to impart much needed wisdom to your child, take note of the following tips and commit them to memory.

Realizing that young Junior needs guidance, take a deep breath and force yourself to step away from the immediate situation. Take a moment to get your thoughts in order, writing them down if necessary. In point by point fashion, briefly identify the issue at hand. For example, your teenager has gotten in the habit of missing curfew. (This one is fairly easy, by the way.) The issue is clear cut: missing curfew. What exactly is the family rule concerning curfew? Note the times of weekday/school night curfews and weekend curfews. Are the consequences already established in the event that curfew is missed? Have they been clearly communicated prior to this particular instance? If not, make sure that YOU are clear in your own mind of the family rule and the consequences for when the rule is broken.

Now you are ready to convey your message to your child. I suggest that you do this in a room where electronic distractions are limited. All ipods, computers, and gaming devices aside, your message has a better chance of reaching your child's gray matter. Once you have stated the problem, remind your child of the house rule using one simple sentence. Next, without expounding on virtues, without expressing your emotions of disappointment or anger, remind your teen of the consequences of his actions. And finally, without entertaining excuses, without allowing arguments, make your exit. In the words of my own father, " 'Nuf said."

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