by Deborah Bloom

Created on: January 20, 2009   Last Updated: January 31, 2009

So your walking out of the courthouse angry, hurt and confused asking yourself, "what just happened, I lost my house, my kids and I have to pay for everything?" The worst part is you thought you were a pretty good fighter who could always defend yourself and yet your ex-spouse got everything they asked for and you didn't get anything you wanted. What the heck happened?

Most likely the other person had good legal advice from an experienced professional who knew not only the game but the rules of the game. What game you might ask, why the Divorce and Dissolution game. Its not enough to know that your marriage is over you must also know how to negotiate the ending of the contract. Marriage is a contract between two people who openly declare their desire to join their lives together not only spiritually but also legally. Like any other contract there are legal ramifications when their is a breach of the terms or mutual desire to end the contract.

If there was a prenuptial agreement prior to the marriage then the terms should be set out as to what has been agreed upon for the ending of the contract and things should go smoothly. However most people don't enter into a marriage contract with the frame of mind that it might not last and therefor do not make provisions for that possibility.

If you have children the most important thing to evaluate is what is in their best interest. Are they better of living with you or your spouse? If they are old enough they should be included in the decision making process. Try not to let your emotions rule in these decisions because what you do now will effect them the rest of their lives. Remember it is the children's right to have access to both parents.

Do you live in a community property state? Do you know what the laws pertaining to property division are? What did you own before the marriage and what did you acquire together? Do you own a business and what types of bank accounts or credit cards do you have? What outstanding debts are there? These are the types of questions that need to be answered before you can end the marriage contract and if you and your spouse cannot agree on any of the issues then it will be time to seek professional help from an attorney.

Most states have a BAR Association that has a lawyer referral service with listings of attorneys who specialize in family law who are available in your area to help you through the maze of sometimes confusing laws and hard decisions that have to be dealt with in order for you to obtain a fair and equitable ending of your marriage contract. If it is possible try to keep the lines of communication open with your soon to be ex-spouse and if you have children think of their needs in all the life changing decisions you make. Just because you are ending the relationship you have now doesn't mean you can't have a different type of relationship that is amicable. Get divorced but be smart about how you do it.

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