by Caroline Kramer

Created on: January 20, 2009

As children get older they lose than innocence which allows them to stand quietly and adoringly and listen to every lecture which comes out of their parent's mouth. If you are getting the rolling eyes, head on one side or crossed arms you may be saying what you need to say but you may not be communicating in the best way to your child.

So here are some tips for not "preaching" to your children.

First of al avoid long "when I was a child" stories. Very rarely it is helpful to tell a story which is directly relevant to the matter at hand but usually stories lead to a longer and more protracted interaction than necessary.

Secondly ask your child to begin the exchange, what did he or she observe or feel. What does he or she feel should happen. When something has gone wrong children often know exactly what it is and do not need a lot of "lecturing". The responsibility of having to recount the event and come up with consequences will help your child feel more in control and take ownership of what has happen.

Thirdly if you are angry consider whether this is the best time for this conversation. You are more likely to fire off in lengthy monologues when you are angry. There is nothing wrong with asking your child to go away for a while and then talking later.

Fourthly, even if you have had to explain what has gone wrong ask your child to tell you what he or she has learned from this situation. Children are like sponges, they remember immense amounts of information but they also get bored easily and a bored child is about as receptive as a brick. Letting them interact with you keeps them interested and makes them more likely to hear the things you do have to say.

Finally, speak slowly and deliberately. Make it a habit to think about what you are saying. If something really does not need saying then leave it - you have one shot at resolving this situation so what is the most important point you want to get out of it - what do you want to make sure your child understands. Once you have achieved this, stop. Trying to stuff too much information into a child is like overfilling a balloon, the whole thing explodes and you have nothing.

People who preach for a living have learned that children like interactive sermons. Parents who are prone to "preach" might so well to consider a well tried preaching test - ask them what they learned from what you said, but ask them the next day. If they cannot remember then it might be time to narrow the focus.

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