by Leeann Heffernan

Created on: January 19, 2009

You see it everywhere in the media, girls getting abused. Everyone's usual first reaction is 'why is he/she so stupid? I'd leave that person' The thing that isn't visible to others is how teens may not realise that they are being abused. When their significant other is what we call controlling, they may see it as a form of love and protection. Once they've got you under control, it isn't easy to get out. Slowly the manipulation starts and slowly the self esteem and confidence start to drop dramatically. You simply have it in your mind that without that person, you are nothing. This happens mostly to girls who are experiencing their first relationship. Some teens may feel obligated to stay because they have been together for a long period of time and think it'll be too hard to get out. And/or their significant other may threaten to hurt themselves or someone else if they breakup. Not all abusive relationships are controlled by males, females also lead a controlling, abusive relationship. But 85% of relationship abuse is lead by the male.

Did you know "55% of teens have compromised their standards to keep their partner?" (teensource.com). This basically means changing things they normally believed in just to keep their partner happy. When you are in a relationship it should be about compromise, but not your standards/beliefs.

One of the most common factors in an abusive relationship is Jealousy. It is so common that people don't even realise that it is most certainly, abuse. "64% of teen relationships have experienced jealousy" (teensource.com). Jealousy is what confuses most teens into thinking it is just an act out of love. No, it isn't. It is a sign that the jealous person is insecure about their own personal traits. Why do they see it as love though? When a teens significant other says "I don't want you hanging around with other girls/guys.. it's not you I don't trust it's them.." There is a sense of protection there that the teen will sense and drop plans to be with that person.

Is one of your friends or family in an abusive relationship? How do I know if they are experiencing one, you may ask.

If you notice; any unexplained injuries (bruises, cuts, hand marks), extreme weight gain/loss, the person becomes distant with their family/friends, depression, substance abuse, apologizing for their partners temper, anxious, never making decisions for them self and their self esteem is very low and depends on their partner a lot. These are only some of the signs that someone you may know is in an abusive relationship.

Are you in an abusive relationship? Does your partner constantly put you down or belittle you? Do they act jealous? Treat you like a piece of property? Do they make false accusations? Does your partner try and isolate you from your family? These once again, are only a few of the signs that you could be in an abusive relationship.

We all know that you had great times with this person. If you really aren't ready to give up on this person sit down and talk to them. If you are scared to do so alone, bring along a member of your family or even his family and talk to him about it. If he isn't willing to listen, you need to get out now, before you it gets worse.

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