by Leah Yniguez

Created on: January 19, 2009

Speaking of a step-mother of an only child with children of my own, I have had a unique look and amazing chance to see the differences between children with siblings and an only child. Blended families are always hard but I believe blending children used to sharing in every way and a child raised alone has made the difficulty only more challenging. Like the birth order of children in larger families has been studied to have an effect on the personalities of children, I strongly agree only children can be deeply affected by not growing up with other children.

Only children are both parents pride and joy, especially when he or she is the only child to both parents, no longer together. Until joining in with another family, my stepson was the main focus of two households for about 8 years. It has understandably been a adjustment for him to learn to live and share with other children, but also a great opportunity for him to learn things otherwise not previously possible. Even the birth parents in this situation were not aware of some of the important things that he was not learning as a result of him being an only child.

One of the most important things I have observed is he was not aware of what others in the household may need or want and unable to see compromising, sharing, and taking turns....giving and taking... as important tools. These little things, taught easily through small lessons at a very young age to children with siblings were non-existent. Jealousy and a constant spirit of competition was very common. But, ironically, at the same time he definetely loved the pros of belonging to a new family with kids to interact with and the excitement, hustle and bustle that comes along with a family with other children....until it was not all about him which has improved but still is a need that comes up for him.

There is a million ways every day with five different personalities in a household to learn how to compromise and take turns and appreciate and respect one anothers ideas, opinions, and ways. Parents of only children should mostly be aware of this difference and go out of their way to create situations where this important learning process gets to be practiced. Having other children around and paying close attention to how your only child interacts with them is vital. Does he or she need to constantly run the show, pick what to watch or eat, or be first? How does he or she respond to you being interested in the other children as well? Teaching an only child to be concientious of others needs, wants, and feelings I believe is the biggest challenge. Not making an extra effort to have other children around on a regular basis and not paying close attention to the way they interact is the most common mistake parents of only children can make, that through no fault of their own, can make only children seem to be brats.

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