by Barbara Leech

Created on: January 19, 2009   Last Updated: January 26, 2009

Did you ever notice that when you first turn the lights out in your room at night, everything is lost in the pitch blackness, or so it seems. You can not see anything. There is nothing but darkness. Awaken an hour later and miraculously you can see within the darkness. There is the chair in the corner of the room, your television, the mound of not dirty, but not clean clothes you don't know quite how to deal with. Wash or fold and put back in a drawer? And there is the light from your alarm clock..which did not originally seem to have the power to illuminate the room.

It occurred to me last night on one of my many pregnant woman trips to the bathroom that this adjustment to our sight is similar to finally understanding that life is a journey of lessons and experiences. At first you are in darkness, frightened and convinced you can not make it to your destination without hurting yourself somehow. Then, as you adjust and stop fighting to "see", all becomes clear in the darkness. It is when you are not looking that you actually see. It is when you are silent that you finally hear answers.

The current economy has us watchful of all spending and grateful for the jobs we have. It also has us afraid to consider a career move and worried how we will pay bills each month. Everything costs more. Groceries have increased in cost by at least 20 percent while our earnings remain the same. We have four children to provide for and there are days I don't know how we will do it. In an economic time such as this it is hard to keep your faith that God will provide. But somehow I do, and so far He has.
My husband and I sat together on New Years Eve this year, as is our tradition, and made a list of things we experienced in the past year. Once more our journey has been amazing, frightening, finacially stressful, happy and yes, blessed by what matters most...each other....healthy amazing children...another baby on the way. Even with the tough economy we now have a home which is literally the answer to our prayers...my prayers. I realize this all came to us not because we asked, but because we surrendered to whatever was to come, as long as we had each other. I believe that is what brought us such blessings. We surrendered to faith.
When I prayed for answers and none came, doors seemed to close and hopelessness taunted my every thought, I reached a point of surrender. I could take no more. My surrender was not spiritual bravery. It was a spiritual breaking point where I said, "God...just

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