by Ronnie Dauber

Created on: January 19, 2009   Last Updated: October 28, 2010

Do you try to make a point with your child and end up preaching to them and adding more frustration to an already unpleasant issue? Parents need to realize that the best way to understand how their children think is to get on to their level of thinking. Children can only relate to the here and now and they can't comprehend the way things were when their parents were their age, so parents need to talk to them as it is in today's world and not in a time they can't understand. So, how do you avoid preaching to your children?

Learn to listen.

Listening to your children is probably the greatest tool in building a relationship with them. Don't cut them off. Don't interrupt them. Don't assume you know any part of it. Listen to everything they have to say. Sometimes what they are trying to say isn't what the words are saying. You need to listen and hear what they are really saying.

While your experiences can enlighten somewhat, the situations of today cannot be handled the same way they were years ago, so you must hear what is being said so that you can react and offer the best advice.

Don't assume anything

You may have experienced a similar situation but all the facts are not the same and you cannot assume that they should handle theirs the same way you handled yours. Times have changed and outlooks and attitudes are different. Your solution to their situation may be the same regardless, but don't just assume that it can be handled the same way without considering alternative actions.

Build a trusting relationship

Give your children some credit for being who they are in this great big world. They can probably deal with things that you couldn't deal with until you were an adult. Allow them to be intelligent and trust them to make their own choices. They may be wrong choices but when you're there afterwards for them, supporting them and loving them anyway, your children will know that they have a special bond with you and they'll trust your advice more as life presents even greater challenges.

Don't judge them

Teach them the value of life from the time they're born and be an example of what you're teaching them. Don't condemn them for wrong doing because that creates a fear of rejection in them. Instead, chastise them when they're bad and tell them why they're bad, and then encourage them to not do it again.

Let them know you love them

You can never express a non-love for your children regardless of what they do. If they've done something that displeases you or is blatantly

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