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eros that lasts forever, is completely faithful and compassionate. But that's ridiculous. Eros is a flame that burns, sometimes hot, sometimes cool. And sometimes it goes out completely. Romantic thinking gets us into the illogical and silly position of hoping for an erotic love that is based in charitas.

But wait. All is not lost for you romantics. There is something more, and I know it is true because I have experienced it!

Eros, that silly, passionate and completely brainless love that one is struck with is a lot of fun. Painful and traumatic, true, but also a lot of fun. It makes us "fall in love at first sight," a totally ridiculous and monstrously disastrous way of arranging things. But if one can get the timing right, there's a masterful way of making it turn out all right.

At some point along the way, while you are head over heals in erotic love, you both, simultaneously need to begin to convert the eros love into charitas. Now, if you get the romantic alchemy just right, the eros flame can keep burning even as you begin to look at your lover with new eyes, with unselfish and humble eyes. All of a sudden, the eros is taking a back seat to the more important and more durable charitas. Finally, with marriage, one can blend the eros with storge, and the relationship is built on, not only the duty and responsibility of family, but also the passion and fun of eroticism.

I know it's a tall order, but it happened to me. I fell in love with my anamorata at first sight. We've been married twnety-five yeears and we still regularly embarrass our children with displays of romantic pyrotechnics that make them roll their eyes.

But there are some speed bumps on this road, and you need to beware of them. First, sexual tension is key to eros. If your relationship moves too fast and discards the sexual tension in a lot of sex early on, you never really let the charitas develop before the eros burns out. That's doom for a relationship. Also, if you rush into marriage, you may replace your eros with storge too soon. The classic authors saw marriage as a cure for eros. Don't miss out on the eros, building it up and keeping it hot, before you settle down and start a family. Finally, romantic love, eros, and falling in love is all about being a little myopic. That's why candlelight is so efficacious for romance, it allows us to see with our hearts rather than our logical minds. So, make sure that you always make every effort to keep your eyes focused on your relationship and your passion, but not on the flaws of your lover. Learn to see your lover with rose-colored glasses, for nothing spoils romance more than bright fluorescent light.

Learn more about this author, John Devera.
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