by Bruce Corson

Created on: January 19, 2009   Last Updated: February 18, 2009

BITE ME

The black widow lived in the same Louisville four-star hotel room I'd rented for the night. I don't know where her nest was, maybe behind the bed. Like a vampire she was nocturnal. Perhaps she sensed I'd been listening in the car to a Christopher Moore novel about vampires. Perhaps she liked my snoring as much as my wife does, a noise so horrendous that I'm told the kids sleeping in the basement yell up the stairs, "Mom! Make him stop!" At least my wife doesn't bite; she just banishes me to another room.

I never saw my attacker. I went to sleep, got up and started my day. My hand hurt picking up my briefcase. Hmm, wonder what that's about? With the martial art I practice I'm often waking up with a new hurt here and there. I didn't remember breaking any concrete the night before. I had a headache as well, and I certainly don't do head-breaks. A few drinks, yes, but I had behaved myself.

I grew up in New Hampshire, where it's generally too cold for most poisonous wild things. Nightmare creatures such as black widow spiders, brown recluses and creepy scorpions scared the holy bejeebers out of us kids. I still don't like them. I'm still unnerved when I realize that they are part of my current environment. Zero exposure to these things when you're young helps make them loom large in your mind. There's no mental vaccine, if you will.

I ate a small breakfast and returned to my room. I thought I'd watch a few minutes of Meredith and Matt before getting to my first appointment. Ninety minutes later the phone woke me up, and I really didn't feel good. I felt and heard rumblings from dark places deep inside. But, places to go, up and at 'em. Geez, that hand is really swollen.

Google black widow spider and you'll find all kinds of information: chest pain, shortness of breath, swelling, fever, chills, anaphylaxis, blood pressure spikes, stomach rigidity, GI stuff, the works. However, I didn't know that then.

I drove toward Indianapolis where I'd get to my customer just in time. Along the way, clean restrooms were rare, and I sped exit-to-exit much like a kid playing musical chairs trying to stay close to the next chair. My forehead beaded with sweat. The news that week was full of the astronaut that had driven cross-country to seek revenge, wearing adult diapers to shorten the trip. I now saw the wisdom of that jilted astronaut and her Depends.

I somehow made it through the meeting with the customer, though my PowerPoint presentation kept misbehaving and I wasn't at my

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