by Diane Gentile

Created on: January 19, 2009   Last Updated: January 31, 2009

Marriage and divorce is serious business. Falling in love is an understanding of implicit trust, respect and faith. Some marry and commit to a lifelong partnership, to stay together, forever, "in sickness and in health". As time goes on, our spiritual beliefs, our ideologies and our relationships naturally come under re-assessment. When this happens, it creates personal change. Seemingly, out of nowhere, a force invades our routines, our simplicities, our status quo's and creates complexities. Change is the result, wanted or unwanted, of unexpected occurances, of emotional, intellectual and spiritual growth. Divorce, wanted or unwanted, happens. The separation of love and money, after deep intimacy, is extremely difficult to do without friction.

When you first realize you want a divorce, research the subject. You will learn whether you need to hire a mediator or not. If both parties want the divorce, and both parties are interested in somewhat of an equal equitable distribution, then a mediator would be an excellent choice as a first step in the divorce proceeding. A mediator is not a lawyer (though one might have a law degree). They attempt to help a feuding (or not) couple navigate through the terms of divorce and work out a civil and fair monetary distribution satisfactory to both parties.

To get through a divorce with the most minimal injury, you need to hire a lawyer. Though most couples marry in a church or synagogue, they still have to apply for a license to marry. This is a legal document bound to the marriage laws of the U.S. Constitution and the respective laws of individual states. In New York State, if a couple has been married for more than 7 years, chances are their joint property (including savings, retirement accounts, etc.) will be considered equal when it comes to distribution, regardless of who contributed more money. It is law that governs marriage and law that dissolves it. The law is complicated and could seem unfair. You have to have a legally acceptable reason for a divorce and the law clearly determines only the following reasons as such: irreconcilable differences (a no fault divorce), abandonment (your spouse just left you), adultery (caught cheating), abuse (cruelty - emotional or physical) and/or the inability to engage in sexual intercourse, all being fault's that must be proven by the person seeking the divorce action. Complicated - yes! It could also be embarrassing. What was intimate and secret between two lovers, is now exposed.

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