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Unfortunately, the pain that a partner feels when they discover that their loved one is carrying on a virtual affair is every bit as hurtful as that of a physical affair in the real world.

Regardless of whether the "affair" is heavy flirting or clandestine contact with a person on the other side of the world, the feelings of trust and betrayal are just as intense to the injured party.

Although a cyber affair can be chalked up to the realm of "fantasy", there is another live human being on that other keyboard communicating with the wayward partner and that poses as big a risk as hooking up with a coworker at lunch time.

Many may feel that virtual flings cause an over reaction in their loved one when they are caught due to the misperception that it is just a "fantasy", but in today's electronic age of email, cell phones, chat rooms and text messaging, the virtual affair can create a bond that exists outside of cyberspace and is occuring right in your living room under your partner's nose. This is not a fantasy, this has invaded your very living space and it is real.

This is a betrayal of trust in just as devastating of a way as any "real life" affair.

Communication is a form of intimacy. Sharing thoughts and feelings with your virtual liason' is just as unfaithful as pillow talk with a physical lover.

When one finds themselves engaging in this cyber flirtation, one must ask themself, why? Why do I find it so intriguing to engage in electronic communication with this unknown entity when the partner I portend to love is right in the next room watching television? Something is lacking in the union and one's energy would be better spent logging out and going into the living room and having a heart to heart talk with their partner to resolve whatever issues are causing you to be tempted to stray, even if it is "only" in cyberpace.

When one finds themselves the injured party, or "cheated on", virutal reality takes on just as much form and structure as the room they are standing in and the emotional response is going to be just as painful as if you caught your partner in bed with another.

Trust has been broken, and with today's electronic communication systems it is very difficult to repair. A partner who discovers the virtual affair will be hard pressed to trust the cheating partner to log on, have a cell phone, use their email at work, without the constant doubt, thinking, "is the communications still going on".

Rather than allowing a simple, quick, virtual flirtation to escalate into something that can do irrepairable damage to your primary relationship, talk to your loved one about what is missing in your real life relationship and do some preventative maintenance before you find yourself alone with only your cyber love to keep you company. A keyboard can't keep you warm at night, your real life partner can.

Learn more about this author, Brigid Bishop.
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