by April Trice

Created on: January 19, 2009   Last Updated: October 05, 2010

There is an old Proverb that states, "A Mother's heart is always with her children."

This rings especially true with those who entrust their children to another. Not only are birth mothers harshly judged by society, but they also carry the painful memory of their choice with them for the remainder of their lives.

Several decades ago, unwed pregnant mothers were sent away in the dead of night to religious based maternity homes where they would give birth, only to have the child taken away and given to a more "suitable" family. While we rarely hear of this happening now, we still tend to view birth mothers as "less than". We assume they are inherently flawed, void of emotion and entirely consumed with themselves.

Nothing could be farther from the truth. We praise and applaud the adoptive mother, and with good cause. Yet we immediately cast judgment on the woman who chose to give this child a better life.

No longer are the majority of birth mothers young and unwed. More and more women in their 20's and 30's are having to make the heart-wrenching decision to give their children up for reasons that are seldom recognized. The mother who finds herself overwhelmed, struggling to keep her family afloat while she navigates the stormy waters of her life. Parents forced to turn to foster care and adoption because they can't afford the daily cost of child-care. Women working two and three jobs and still being unable to find housing suitable for raising a child.

As open minded as our society has become, there still tends to be a negative stigma that surrounds the mother who willingly chooses to give her child up for adoption. It has almost become more acceptable to abort a child rather than make the alternative choice of adoption. Why is it that we revere a surrogate mother yet criticize the mother who also gives a child to another family without the financial compensation? Are we to believe that a birth mother is only "Selfless" when there's a monetary transaction?

It would behoove us all to view a birth mother through the eyes of compassion and understanding rather than through the eyes of criticism and assumptions. Perhaps my views are biased, in part, because I am an adopted child.

The truth of the matter is, I know the pain and anguish a birth mother endures so that her children can benefit from a loving and stable home. I will live the rest of my life with a dull and aching pain beneath my heart where my children began. Maybe one day I'll have the opportunity to let them know that my choice was a selfless act of love. That I did what I felt was in THEIR best interest and not my own. That even though they belong to another, my heart is still there with them.

But most importantly, I loved them when they drew their first breath. And I will love them still when I draw my last.

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