by Aeron Tomaske

Created on: January 18, 2009   Last Updated: July 19, 2010

I once as a teen asked my mom why she wasn't my best friend and she said her job was to teach me to be a better person and when I was an adult she could be my best friend too.I didn't understand of course and was a little sad by her reply but as I grew up and my teenage daughter came to me and asked the same question I then knew and appreciated what my mother told me years before.I explained to my daughter her friends parents are best friends with their teens to please the teen.That those teens that can do pretty much whatever they want probably won't grow up to be good productive adults.

Children and teens have so many "best friends" through life as they grow up they change their ideas,likes,dislikes and outgrow or leave different friends behind.People are put in our lives for different things and different reasons,but our primary responsibilty is to our child.That is love,protect and guide them.Thats what a parent is supposed to do.All because they were afraid their teen wouldn't "like them".As I looked back on those friends of mine I so admired because of their relationship with their parent(s)I realized most them if not all grew up with out the structure and support they needed that a parent gives not a best friend.

They became adults but were clueless about responsibilty and determination.Having your parent be your best friend can work I believe if you are an adult yourself but as a teen one needs to be taught how to be a good,responsible person not telling each other secrets and going out together.True love for your child I've learned is proved and shown in who they become as an adult and the skills you as a parent has taught them.

Children learn what they live and what they see and not being the parent is actually crippling them as they get older.My mother did the best she could with what she had but was very right about being my mother instead of my best friend.It gets really fuzzy when that parent line is crossed into the best friend catagory.In all fairness that does'nt mean you cant talk to your parents and confide in them.That's what we as parents want more then anything our child feeling safe and comfortable enough to come and talk to us about whatever topic need be.

Teens that feel their parent won't listen,care or except whatever it maybe they have on their mind will find someone that will.As some of us know that person my not have the same morals and values we have and try to teach our child but because we as they feel don't want to hear it they seek the attention of another and sometimes or alot of times end up confused or self destructing.In closing if you have children remember your role in their life and be consist.They will love and respect you more if you do.

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