by Brian Fleming

Created on: January 18, 2009   Last Updated: August 19, 2010

Unfortunately, I have a very embarrassing ski story. My wife is the only one that knows exactly how I broke my arm up on Big Bear Mountain; that is, until now...

My trip to go skiing in Big Bear was a vacation I had been looking forward to for six months. I'm an avid skier.

I love the feeling of the cold, crisp wind flowing past my ears as I race swiftly down a snow-clad mountain.

The trip began perfectly. The weather in Big Bear was clear and cool, only thirty-five degrees all day. The perfect day for skiing. The only problem was, I had to pee. Now, this wouldn't have been an issue, if I could have gotten to a restroom; but, unfortunately for me, there was no restroom up on the mountain slope.

I had been foolish enough to attempt to ski down the mountain one more time before using the clean, bright restroom in the lodge.

As the lift asended up the mountian, the urge to use the restroom got stronger and stronger. I shifted my weight back and forth in that small lift, attempting to distract my bladder from releasing its contents all over the hard blue seat I was sitting on.

Finally, the lift got to the top of the slope, and I hurriedly jumped off, squeezing my groin muscles tight as I did, to make sure nothing bad happened. I looked around. The slope was bare that morning, only a stray snowboarder here and an older skier there. No one to notice if I had to relieve myself up on the mountain. I could have tried to race down to the bottom of the hill, but, genius me decided to save time and effort. I skied over to a large pine tree. Slowly, carefully, I positioned myself behind the tree, so that no one could see as I relieved myself.

I felt so relaxed and at peace with the world when I was finished emptying my bladder; however, I became so relaxed that I lost my footing before I was able to pull up my ski pants and woolen underwear. Suddenly, I found myself flying down the mountian uncontrollably, mooning the skiers behind me, and flashing the skiers in front. I attempted to reach down and pull back up my pants, but every time I did, I almost fell. Finally, I was able to pull back up my pants, but as I straightened back up, I lost my balance, fell, and crashed into a small pine tree, snapping my arm in the process

So that is the true story of how I broke my arm in Big Bear. Please, don't ask me how I sprained my ankle in Crestline, this is embarrassing enough.

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