by Erika Boyer

Created on: January 18, 2009   Last Updated: January 20, 2009

Raising a child is undoubtedly the most important thing you will do in your life. Parents want their children to become healthy, happy, productive, and balanced adults, but how many of us, if we look deeply at ourselves can say that we are an example of those qualities we want to perpetuate in our children? Sadly, not that many. How do we attain those qualities? For most of us oddly, it's by having children. Children are miracle workers. They can turn the most timid person into a hero, teach the workaholic to re-prioritize their life, give the high-strung person patience. We truly find our potential when we take the time to look at ourselves through their eyes.

The very best gift you can give your offspring is self-love. Kids learn by example. They emulate what they see in the adults they admire and respect. If you go through your day valuing YOU, they will learn to value themselves as well. I'm not talking about being selfish, I'm referring to the value you place on yourself; your thoughts, your time, your opinions, your relationships with others, the way you take care of your own needs, and the persona you project to the rest of the world. When you value you, so does everyone around you.

If you are dependent on other people or events to make you happy, your children will expect their happiness to come from outside themselves, leading to a lifetime of disappointment. If you allow other people to take advantage of you or make you feel small or unworthy, your children will likewise embrace their victimhood as adults. When you spend all of your time and energy trying to please someone else (or everyone else) and allow your health and well-being to suffer, you are creating a martyr out of the small person you are an example to. When you complain and make everything in your life out to be a struggle, you are teaching them that life is a constant battle and to feel accepted you must have the pity of others.

It doesn't have to be that way. Don't worry so much about making mistakes. Don't beat yourself up for something that can't be taken back. Apologize sincerely and resolve to do better next time. Be the example of how you want people to treat you. Treat yourself with respect and nurture yourself. Rest. Do the things you enjoy. Laugh. Educate yourself on the things that catch your attention. Try something new that sparks your interest so you have something to look forward to. Your kids will appreciate it and they will learn by your example to LIVE. Learn to be in the moment with yourself and with your children. Cultivate relationships that are healthy, that make you feel good and safe then teach your children how to feel the difference. Give them and yourself access to as many positive role models as you can. Don't stop learning, growing and smiling. Be your own ideal. Your children will watch you and become the stars of the future.

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