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My grandmother who adopted me as a child now has Alzheimer's and has recently come to live with me. She is 76 years old and has a very independent streak and in the last 6 months has had to give up her car and her own home. I attend school full-time, have a child at home, and luckily a very supportive husband. Some days, I feel like the layers of responsibility are just piling up and don't know how much longer I can keep taking care of her in my home. Then, there are the days when she shows a side of her personality that I never really knew existed and maybe did not exist before Alzheimer's. Some days she is happy and playful, like the day she tried to douse me with water and pin a clothes pin on my ear, like a child, not the bitter, angry, manipulative woman that I grew up with. On those days I think, its a shame the rest of her children cannot see her like I do now. All of her children love her, but avoided her to some extent because of her tendency to manipulate. Growing up, she depended on me, as I got older we grew apart and at one point did not speak for almost a year. The rift between us was wide, and I felt like I had to grow up and could not do that with her smothering me. While some never get the chance to heal that rift, I have been given that chance. She now has no idea who I am and I consider it a blessing because we get along beautifully. Working in Assisted living facilities and nursing homes and the knowledge and experience I gained there has helped tremendously, but some things you just have to learn along the way. I have had to put alarms on my doors, and these neat little gadgets designed for toddlers that fit over the door handle keep her from turning it, and we now have a baby monitor in her room for those nights when she wants to stay up and wander or in case of falls. We have also had incidents, like the day we had to go to the emergency room to get an x-ray of her arm. Afterward, she was in quite a bit of pain and wanted to stay in the vehicle while I went into the pharmacy to pick up her prescription. I agreed because there had been no previous problems with her remaining in the vehicle on her own for short periods of time. I should have known better. The pharmacy was behind and the line was extremely long. After 20 minutes I knew I had to get back out to the vehicle. Too, late. She had gotten scared, flagged down a passerby, and had them call the police. She had forgotten where she was at and whose vehicle she was in. She was crying because she thought they were going to arrest her for stealing a vehicle! Luckily, throughout everything she remained in the vehicle. I now keep a wheelchair in the vehicle and if I go in, she goes in. Ironically, just a few days after this incident we went back to the pharmacy and she asked if she could stay in the vehicle because it was cold! Yes, caring for her at home is difficult but I believe it is the best decision I could have made. I made the decision not out of guilt but out of love, knowing that for now, I am the best person to care for her and meet her needs. I enjoy my time with her, and know that soon enough the day will come when I can no longer care for her at home until then, I will take some time out for myself and my family on the bad days and cherish the good days.

Learn more about this author, Holly Nealy.
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