by Tony Odom

Created on: January 18, 2009

A conversation in Mississippi:

Guy 1: You know, our state is among the national leaders in obesity. It's a shame and we should do something about it.

Guy 2: I agree, and I have a plan to deal with it..

Guy 1: Okay, so what is it?

Guy 2: Well, first of all, we need more good doctors. We just don't have enough in this state.

Guy 1: Point taken.

Guy 2: So we raise doctor pay to attract the best doctors available.

Guy 1: Well, that sounds good to me.

Guy 2: Once we get them here, we assess everybody in the state's level and degree of obesity.

Guy 1: Ummm...okay.

Guy 2: Then, we give the doctors one year to get everybody healthy.

Guy 1: But....ummm....

Guy 2: We establish one weight that will be henceforth known as "Healthy" and hold all the doctors accountable for getting everyone to that weight.

Guy 1: But isn't that......

Guy 2: And if they don't meet their goals, then we cut their pay and give them another year to meet their objectives. If they can't meet the weight requirements after another year, then we run them out of the profession and bring in a new crop, and give them the same task. We also give the patients the option to choose a better doctor.

Guy 1: But you can't do that!

Guy 2: Why not?

Guy 1: Well, holding doctors alone responsible for a people's health is crazy! I mean, people have to want to be healthy. And you can't establish one weight as the official "Healthy" weight! People are different, they have different body types and conditions, weight alone is not an indication of how fit a person is. Besides, not everyone can afford to go to the doctor enough to be on an effective weight management program. After all, most people, with or without insurance, only go to the doctor if they get sick.

Guy 2: You'd better stop. You're inciting class warfare and helping the terrorists win!

Guy 1: What?!

Guy 2: My plan is best for what ails this state. And if you don't think so, well I guess I just care more about the health of this state than you do. Besides, all you're doing is criticizing. Under my "No Fat Left on the Behind" plan, everybody will be healthy by 2014. What "plan" do you have?

Guy 1: How do you know that?

Guy 2: Know what?

Guy 1: That everybody will be "healthy" by 2014?

Guy 2: Because under my plan, we will legally mandate that everybody will be healthy by 2014.

Guy 1: You can't do that!

Guy 2 : Why not?

Guy 1: It's impossible!

Guy 2: You're just being negative. They will be.

Guy 1: But what if they're not?

Guy 2: They WILL be!

Guy 1: (exasperated) I hate to tell you, but your plan won't work. You cannot hold a doctor solely responsible for someone's health especially when so much about what makes a person healthy or unhealthy depends on decisions that they make for themselves, or in the case of children, their parents make for them. You've also completely disregarded socio-economic factors that contribute to a person's health. You also cannot expect people to be "healthy" by some arbitrary date you pull out of your hind quarters just because you say so. All this plan is going to do is run good doctors out of the profession, if it doesn't kill it altogether. Bottom line: the plan won't work.

Guy 2: Nonsense, this plan has worked like a charm for the education system.

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