by Bridget Webber

Created on: January 17, 2009   Last Updated: February 06, 2009

Saving a marriage because you are raising children may seem like a good idea to begin with. After all, when you have a family marriage can seem as though it is an unbreakable institution, even when you are desperately unhappy. Indeed, no one becomes part of a wedded couple unless they intend to stick together through thick and thin.

However the reality may be that wedded bliss never came your way and that your marriage compatibility as a couple is low. Because of this it is possible that you are undecided as to what to do about it, because you have your children to consider.

Many people who have not been in your situation may well be forthcoming with relationship advice which pushes you firmly in the direction of keeping your family together by not getting a divorce when the marriage clearly isn't working. The truth be known, no one else can truly know what goes on behind closed doors, and so understanding exactly what you are going through and how you feel is not possible.

If you have residual feelings of love for your spouse though, you may benefit from marriage counseling and some professional relationship advice to help you in your decision making.

Your children, whether they be teenagers or very young, will be affected by what is happening between you and your spouse. Of course they will also be affected if you and your husband or wife get a divorce. However the long term affects of prolonged arguing and disruption in family life on your children can be far more damaging in the long run.

If you really want to help your children then you will need to ascertain whether living with your spouse, and thereby stopping a divorce from occurring, will really benefit them.

Many children suffer in silence when they are in the middle of feuding parents. Sometimes they imagine that all of the fuss is somehow their own fault.

They may also spend time worrying about the fights that their parents are having instead of getting on with the fun business of just being a child and enjoying the pleasure of innocence, free from discourse and verbal aggression.

If you really do want to save your marriage then it should be because you and your spouse still love each other. A loveless marriage, based on attempting to keep a family together for the sake of the children, sends a message to them that love isn't important. It doesn't provide them with healthy role models from which to guide them as they get older and begin having relationships themselves.

If you decide to divorce then explaining to your children why this is happening and telling them that they are still very much loved, will help them far more than providing them with a nightmarish home-life to reside in.

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