by Carol Gioia

Created on: January 17, 2009

Forgiveness is the foundation on which we build trust in any viable relationship.

In the relationship between parent and child, the role of the parent is to teach the child how to forgive, and to forgive the child unconditionally, in order to build a lasting bond of trust between them.

Teaching a child to forgive is best accomplished through parental modeling of a spirit of forgiveness. If the child experiences the parent never withholding love, even in the midst of reprimand, the child learns that crucial component of forgiveness in trust.

If the child witnesses the parent expressing sorrow when the parent has wronged another, the child learns the valuable life lesson that we all make mistakes and sometimes it is necessary to ask for forgiveness.

This opens up the opportunity for the parent to have a conversation with the child about how important it is in life to not only forgive others, but to forgive oneself as well. This mitigates the possibility of an individual going through his life with doubts, regrets and self-blame hampering his relationships.

When a parent consistently keeps his word and promises without falling back on lame excuses of omission, the child absorbs the loving intentions, and trust is intensified in the relationship.

Love is the catalyst for developing a forgiving spirit, which leads to trust. Unconditional love has no motives and contains the elements of forgiveness and trust. We can profess undying love, but if that statement is not backed up with forgiveness under any circumstance, then trust is tentative, at best.

Guidelines for parents in developing and maintaining trust in the parent-child relationship are as follows:

* Express love freely and lavishly; even when disciplining a child, reiterate how much the child is cared about and loved.

* Do not hesitate to say "I'm sorry" to the child if you have been thoughtless or wrong.

The child will learn the value of reciprocal relationships and will show the same spirit of forgiveness and respect in return.

* Display an impeccable code of honor. Never ask the child to lie for you, or allow him to overhear you not being truthful. Even minor infractions like asking the child to answer the phone and, "Say I'm not home." will leave a lasting impression of doubt and distrust.

* Consistently keep your promises so the child knows he can "count" on you to always be there for him. If you inadvertently disappoint your child, ask forgiveness and you will be teaching your child the intertwined connections between respect, forgiveness, trust and love.

* Trust your child enough to allow him the freedom of choices appropriate to his age and judgment level. The more freedom of choice a child has, the more he will feel in control of his own life, and the act of trust on the part of the parent will instill pride and motivation to be trustworthy in the child.

Love equals forgiveness, which leads to trust, which results in respect, which instills love.

Unconditional love is the driving force in the parent-child relationship. That love is fueled by a spirit of forgiveness, mutual respect and mutual trust. When all components are properly in place, not only will the parent-child relationship thrive and grow, but the child will be equipped to foster and maintain close relationships throughout his life.

Forgiveness is an intrinsic component of a trusting relationship between parent and child. The parent can give the child no greater or more fulfilling gift than to teach him to master the art of sincere forgiveness.

Learn more about this author, Carol Gioia.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.