by Christine G.

Created on: January 17, 2009   Last Updated: May 19, 2009

Children are not shock absorbers. Parents (single, double, or in-between) are adults in charge of vulnerable young lives, and have the responsibility of learning to manage their own anger. Failure to do this will fill children with guilt (children take responsibility for their parents' emotions, and imagine that if they were just more perfect, everything would be all right) and rage (monkey see, monkey do). This is not a legacy that anyone wants to pass on to the next generation.

Anger is not wrong or evil; it is a legitimate emotion when we are threatened, or when someone or something we value is threatened. We are biologically hard-wired for "fight or flight" to preserve our survival. Anger feels empowering, neutralizes fear, and sometimes scares others into giving us what we want. Properly managed, it provides energy for constructive change. For those who have not yet learned the art of anger management, anger becomes a destructive master instead of a useful tool.

Single parents are on duty 24/7, filling a variety of roles, often with decreased income. Many single parents, especially the newly single or those embroiled in ongoing battles with the ex, must cope with severe feelings of loss, abandonment, and rage. Their children share many of those burdens. When children act out (and they will), the frazzled parent's control is likely to snap. An explosion of anger may seem to quiet things down temporarily, but in the final analysis, it solves nothing. Issues must be confronted, and problems must be solved at the source.

All parents need workable action plans. Consider including some of the following strategies in yours:

Strategy #1: Admit that you can't handle this on your own. Get the best help you can with child care, counselling, financial management, and a shoulder to cry on. If you have a friend who is willing to let you vent, and then gently steer you towards constructive action, you have a treasure. Use this treasure wisely.

Strategy #2: Take care of yourself. Get adequate rest, nutrition, exercise, and social contact. Self-care is just as important as the work you do for others. If you are frazzled, everyone else will be affected. You are a vitally important resource for your children. It is better for them to have less parent/stuff/funtime than they want, than to have no parent at all after a burn-out.

Strategy #3: Make an action plan for tension intervention. This can include having someone come over to help, taking an exercise break, using

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