by Brian Fleming

Created on: January 17, 2009   Last Updated: September 02, 2010

Raising my boys over these last twenty years has been like raising two wild animals. Some days were better, some days worse, but all days were wild. I tried all of the parenting strategies out there.

I tried spanking, I tried time-outs, I tried grounding them, I tried positive rewards, I even tried Supernanny (if you don't know who she is, Supernanny is a TV nanny who comes to your house to teach you how to take control over the circus in your house). Needless to say, my story wasn't aired on TV (as even the Supernanny called me a lost cause).

My boys seemed to be a lost cause.

Why are my boys so wild? Maybe because they are so much like me. You know the old saying, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree?" Well, that holds true for most children; but, you see my childrens' saying would look like this "The apples fall on the tree and slide off its trunk, and go spinning energetically away. No matter how hard the tree tries, it cannot grab the apples to make them still" (Hmmm...that's kind of a long saying, but you get the picture).

My co-workers and friends would offer me advice about how to raise my two boys. My own mother recommended booting them off to military school, my own mother! And the worst part is? I took her advice. Next day, my two crazy sons were off to military school; problem was, they came right back the next day. It turns out that the military doesn't generally approve of raising the commander's boxers up on the flagpole. Oh well, I had missed the noise of rampaging animals the night before.

Finally, after sixteen years of unsuccessfully raising my two boys, I finally took control. Of course, I can't take all of the credit, my boys were now old enough to get driver's licenses. Do you see where I'm going with this? If not, let me explain. There is nothing worse in the world to teenage boys than their uncool, nerdy dad dropping them off for parties, dates, and movies. So, keeping the constant threat of revoking their driving privileges over heads kept my boys in line for the last three years they lived under my roof.

I only had to revoke my son Jacob's driving privileges once, and trust me, he learned his lesson. I dropped him off to Senior Prom completely decked out in a clown costume and orange frizzy hair. It may sound cruel, but my two boys have never been more well behaved; but I keep the clown costume in the closet, just in case...

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