by Linda Saye

Created on: January 16, 2009

I see my boss' mouth moving, but I hear nothing that he is saying. I think he's saying that our company is laying off 40% of their entire workforce today, including me. Could that be right? After all, management just hired a third person for our department a month ago. Would they really do that to someone?

Why, just yesterday I said to my boss that I can't believe that our department (marketing) would not be affected in some way by Wall Street analysts' revised predictions that sales in our industry are more likely to be 15% less, rather than 8% less, than in 2008. And 2008 was dismal! He didn't let on in any way that he knew what was coming the next day and I have made a mental note to never, EVER, play poker with this man!

So, while all of our upper management kept denying that layoffs would happen to our department (after all, we were the "strategic thinkers" in the company that would lead our industry back to health) the reality is that the writing was sort of on the wall. There just aren't too many companies out there that can afford the luxury of a whole team of highly paid Marketing Directors when they need every employee out pounding the pavement for dollars.

In the back of my mind I knew this day would come, but I hoped for the best and intended to ride the wave as long as I could. You see, I had been unemployed due to a layoff for a year prior to getting this job six months ago. And, I desperately wanted to help get our finances back in order. I was enjoying the nice fat paychecks and the incredible benefits that came with the position even though I knew that this was NOT the job of my dreams. It was OK, I guess, but it was certainly not the work that was motivating me to get up and go to the office every day. It was the paychecks. So, in six months' time, I was all ready starting to feel bored and restless.

So, when my boss was delivering this news to me, part of me was elated. That's right, elated! Oh sure, I was shocked and scared, and wondering how this could happen to me. But, the truth is that at the same time, I had a moment of clarity like none other. This moment came because, for my entire life, I have wanted to do nothing but write. And for my entire life, I have found some way to ignore this calling. It was usually money related reasons, but reasons nonetheless. The little voice in my head would say "Writing doesn't pay well", or, "You're not good enough to make a real living at writing", or, "You can't be a writer; your degrees are in Economics and Business for God's sake".

But, the moment of clarity came all the same and there was absolutely no way that I could hear what my boss was saying because I was getting a message from God so loudly in my head that I could hear nothing else. It felt like a huge head thump (the kind your big brother gives you when you're little). It went something like this: "WAKE UP ALL READY! How many times am I going to have to make you go through something like this before you get it? You're 44 years old, and you have never been fully satisfied with the work that you've done. You've had really good jobs; you've had really crappy jobs. None of them have inspired you to give your best, and life is too special not to give your best each and every day"! He went on to say, "Don't you know by now that when one door closes, with faith, another opens? Don't waste any more of your time looking for just a paycheck. Start doing what matters to you before you have any regrets".

And, with that message in my head, I truly felt elated.

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