by Thom W. Conroy

Created on: January 16, 2009

The concept of respect is a mutual understanding between two people to exchange kind regards, the age of both parties being irrelevant. From a societal vantage point, children are usually taught at an early age to be respectful of elders. This may be attributed to honoring the seniority of the elders life experience, their general knowledge, or simply extending the kindness of common decency. In any perspective, there definitely is a line that cannot be crossed, when it becomes mandatory to cease the conveyance of respect to your elders.

Especially in children, the decision to stop showing respect to their elders can have a serious impact, both in terms of the reactions of adults and a less than enthusiastic parental response. A child needs strict guidelines for when it is appropriate to deny respect to their elders, and the circumstances that dictate disrespect in general. It is extremely important for a parent to communicate to their child that in certain instances it is not only acceptable to be disrespectful, it may well be a necessity for survival.

The refusal to show respect for an elder should have the same basic guidelines for a child as an adult. An instance where an elder is abusive verbally, physically, or sexually is a good starting point. These are situations where no human should tolerate the transgressions of others, elders inclusive. Situations where an elder attempts to publicly humiliate or chastise another are not acceptable, and disrespect is a proper response. An elder that invades the personal space of a child deserves to be treated with disrespect as well. An elder in a position of authority who attempts to bully or intimidate a child is not deserving of respect.

It is the responsibility of a parent to teach a child the proper way to not show respect to their elders when it becomes necessary. The child in question needs to learn that anger and aggression are not appropriate unless physically or sexually threatened. The best advice is to teach the child to remove themselves from the situation and tell their parents. Together the parents and child can address the elders behavior through appropriate channels, and hopefully come to some agreement for future interactions. The child needs to understand that they are not alone in their quest to demand simple respect from their elders, it is also part of the parental duty to protect and support their children when difficulties arise. In the final analysis, the child can be taught that respect is a two-way street, and if that is not possible with a particular elder perhaps disassociation is in the best interest of all concerned.

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