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Having past the ripe old age of 50, I find myself spending more time in contemplating why it is important to learn to forgive. My mother has said for years, "Forgive and Forget". Unfortunately she doesn't practice what she preaches or it becomes more like "Don't forgive and never forget". Like many things in life, she pays the price for not taking her own advice.

Hmmmhhh...what do I mean she's paying the price? I once heard a saying, "Consideration is the ability to forgive others but Wisdom is the ability to forgive yourself." Most people tend to be more critical of their own actions as oppose to actions of others. How can one learn to forgive yourself when you are unable to forgive others? So those who carry a grudge or lack the ability are doomed to have a miserable life and inevitably, make those around them miserable.

How does one forgive? It takes lots of patience and its close kissing cousin, courage. Doing something that is contrary to normal human feelings is a constant struggle. But in order to learn this, the first step is to realize contrary to popular belief, the world does not revolve around you. You live in this world but so do many other people that have just as much right as you do to be here and do what makes them happy. Believing this, helps one to understand everyone has their faults.

Second, develop a good short-term memory for unpleasant experiences and people The only things one should remember for a long time are happy events or where others have helped you. If someone cuts in front of you in check out line or on the freeway, just shrug it off. Thoughts of revenge or self-pity will only make forgiving them that much harder. Definitely do not verbalize any negative thoughts because it will amplify your frustration.

Finally, learn how to take deep breaths when frustrated. It's very simple and inhale slowly till you can't take in anymore air then very slowly exhale till your lungs are empty. Humming in a single key, while you do this will help to calm your nerves and make sure your breath isn't be whooshed out at once.

Why go through all of this? It helps to bring order and peace to your life, not only dealing with others but even when you make a mistake. Practicing forgiveness will teach you new ways to cope with stress and in time you'll be surprised to see problems will start to diminish in magnitude or occur less frequently. Those around you will notice a new calmer, more poised person. It will help to bring harmony back to the universe.

I hope those reading this will try to think of others more, remember only good things and forget bad things and practice deep breathing. Everyone can use more peace in their lives...

Learn more about this author, R Shimoda.
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