by Emma K. Jones

Created on: January 16, 2009

The Love of a Parent

She's in one of her moods again. Dressed to attract, capture and devour any male that is in her path. Maybe it will be a short kill or a long delicious feast. Depends on her fancy.

Sounds like a best selling thriller or even a nature program on the Discovery Channel for that matter. But it's neither. It is my 22-year-old daughter in the throes of a bi polar episode.

I look at her. My heart is torn. I love her. I hate her. I am confused and I am bewildered. But I am not in shock. Even when she I think she can't get any worse, she puts a new spin in the mix. It has been a long nine years since her diagnoses.

I know she is on her own. I can't control her behavior nor shield her from the bad things in life. In fact, any Alanon support group drills that in your head. And it makes perfect sense. It is easy to talk about the theory of "tough love" or the practice of not enabling the person with the disease.

But living with it all is much easier said. Especially when you throw two young children, my grandchildren, into the picture. They don't deserve the kind of life their mother alone can provide them and so I am compelled to watch them and protect them, while she lures in yet another man for her personal gain.

As she primps and poses, she is oblivious of the four innocent eyes on her. She is much too deep in thought of the next guy she will sting.

There are good days in between the cycles of mania. It is easy to get lulled into a feeling of safety. It is easy to be mesmerized by her intelligence and beauty. But like the wind, she can turn quickly, demolishing everything and everyone in her path. And then, within moments like other people with Bi-polar, she can be sweet and loving to all around her.

I am hurt by her actions. My heart grieves for the sweet baby I gave birth to. I feel rejected as she ignores my best intentions. I feel used and become bitter when she says she is sorry. I rejoice when she is sincere and wants to change her ways. I know I will always be there for her to count on and to find shelter from the sinful world. After all, I am her mom.

How must it feel for God? He made us and fashioned us to his special mold. We are his creation and have his adoration. He smiles down on us when we serve him and make his word known. When we wear the heart of Jesus, he is proud of us just like a parent is proud of their very own child.

Yet, we have been given free will. We can choose to worship him and follow his teachings or we can turn our back on

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>