by Stephanie Gellepes

Created on: January 16, 2009   Last Updated: February 06, 2010

What a child needs to know about divorce primarily is that the divorce or split is not their fault and that it has absolutely nothing to do with them. Divorce is hard on everyone in a family, especially the children. For a child, changing anything can be difficult. Change to the home environment, school, friends, and neighborhood. Change -as they know it- will mean they will soon be watching each of their parent's live individual and separate lives. Something as drastic as divorce will ultimately create lifelong dramatic consequences, especially when it comes to visitation and moving back and forth between homes. Divorce breaks up that "safety net" for children. They are going to need to feel safe, with a place to call home.

Explanation to the child

Parents should let their children know they recognize and take responsibility for their choice to divorce. Children may not have all the facts and so they draw up their own conclusions. Unbelievably, children often think they are at fault, even if parents do not. It is important to validate their feelings. Kids really will need to know that you are going to be supportive of the transition.

Inform the child about visitation.

What will happen with visitation when parents have to split visitation rights? The kids have to travel back and fourth every other week, or separate from one parent in order to continue life with the other. It is inevitably going to hurt them. Sometimes kids have to choose whom they would rather live with, and then there are those situations where they may not get to choose. This can put a child through a tremendous amount of mental and emotional strain. Not only does their immediate home life change, now they may have to adjust to a new location, a new neighborhood, new schools, new friends. Unless, of course, parents decide to live in the same town. That may happen occasionally, but it is rare.

Whom will the child/children live with?

Someone shared a story about children that were from different families but they really did not have much of a choice as to whom they would live with. Perhaps one situation was financial. One parent provided the means to support, while the other did not. Another situation may have been a bit more complicated, but in the end, the effects were similar in nature. The child grows into adulthood but does not ever fully recover. Seems almost impossible but it happens. The patterns of their whole lives changed the day their parents divorced. Suddenly forced into new neighborhoods

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