by Fiona Clements

Created on: January 16, 2009   Last Updated: February 28, 2009

Empty nest syndrome. Tips for coping with the first fledgling leaving the nest.

It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the wonderful years of the parent/child relationship will last 'forever'. However life does not allow you to think that thought for very long. There are many reminders round every corner of family life that the actual 'hands-on' parenting part is a temporary state of affairs. The reality is that all children grow up.

My daughter had been talking about being independant for a few years before finally flying the nest. At aged eleven I overheard her making plans with her friend. They were going to the city to live in an apartment, have jobs and a great social life. The reality suddenly hit me that one day she wouldn't be living with me any more. She became even more special to me after that but in a very different way.

She was going to need skills to cope with life without me, and I was going to have to teach her. My job was to facilitate what she had to do. This would consist of fostering and encouraging values and boundaries. She was going to need social skills and life skills. When my panic was over I realised that these things had already been happening. She was popular in school, her teachers thought she was a role model and a hard worker. She also had a wonderful sense of humour, had learnt to be thrifty and came out with occasional and surprising pearly words of wisdom. Every day she had been learning something new, not so she could stay at home forever but so she could go off and create a new home for herself one day.

When the day came there was no defining moment. No newsflash. We packed her belongs into the car and drove South for two hundred miles to where she was going to college. We hugged a huge goodbye and with an: "I love you. See you soon." I drove around the corner and out of sight where I let my emotions flow.

Distance does not dilute the closeness of your relationship. It is now a different kind of relationship and the bond is just as strong, if not stronger. The dynamics are constantly changing to suit the situation. My daughter comes home every so often which is a very special time to look forward to. She knows she can phone whenever she needs to vent or air her worries, needs a little sympathy or just wants to share a happy moment.

The home should ideally be a rough model, of the world your youngster will want to recreate for themselves ultimately within their own new environment.

On the home front, you are going have a shift around in the dynamics between the family members left behind. There's a feeling that there is somebody missing. And there is!

Learn more about this author, Fiona Clements.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.