by Robert Spalding

Created on: January 15, 2009

Did you know that the ranks of bullies in our schools are dropping? It's true, where there was once one bully to every thirty nerds there is now one bully for every sixty nerds. That is a rise of one hundred percent in the nerd population. That is why the National Bully Training School can help you.

Are you big and angry for no reason? Do you only pass your classes by cheating off of the chess club dweeb who sits next to you? Would you like extra lunch money every school day?

If you answered yes to these three questions (use your fingers if necessary) then the National Bully Training School could be for you.

You will learn the basics:

Learn the proper way to give a wedgie that will cause maximum humiliation while causing the least stress on your back and shoulders.

Learn how to give Indian burns the Indian way.

Learn the secrets to punching nerds that will not leave those tell tale bruises

At the National Bully Training School you will also learn important life skills that will prepare you for life in the real world:

You will learn delegation and organizational skills as we teach you how to ensure that your toadies are not picking on the same groups and leaving others untouched. That's right you will learn to manage your own teams of toadies, lackeys and bullies in training leaving you free for the more important things in life; keggers, mailbox baseball, cow tipping and preparing for your career as a benchwarmer in junior college football.

You will learn how to deal with those National Honor Society dorks who think they are so smart by learning which dork to cheat from in what class. That's right just as certain bullies have different talents all dorks are not created equal. Some are better in science while others excel in math or English. By knowing which one to cheat from you will be able to maintain a solid "C" average and be the envy of the other bullies in your school.

That's right! In just five (use your fingers if necessary) easy lessons the NBTS can help you go from "that big dumb guy" to terror of the school. Remember bullies are an integral part of every school experience. Sure, you will have no future once you graduate but we will teach you to take the anger you feel about that and channel it into bullying people.

Just hear what some of our happy graduates had to say:

"I went from eating two lunches a day to eating four."-Oaf, San Diego, Ca.

"NBTS taught me the life skills I needed to run my dad's can crushing store when I graduated."-Dolf, Omaha, Ne.

"Smash dorks."-Clyde, Daytona Beach, Fl.

Remember everyone will know your name but you won't need to know their's and that makes you important.

Don't let the nerd surplus grow, call NTBS now!

Enroll now and we'll include a free toadying class for your angry little brother.

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