by Dawn Hawkins

Created on: January 15, 2009   Last Updated: June 21, 2010

Facing the death of someone we love is a hard road to travel. It is even worse when we allow ourselves to be riddled with guilt and regrets. It happens quite frequently that someone loses a loved one and then questions themselves about what could have been done differently both in their life and in their death. How can you live with the regrets after losing your loved one? It's sometimes not easy my friend, but it is possible.

This writer has frequently asked this question upon losing someone she loves dearly. The losses have been many and it doesn't get any easier with age. In fact it gets a little bit harder. There are ways around this so let's discuss those now:

1. Acceptance- Accepting the fact that someone we love is gone forever from our lives is the most difficult part to come to terms with. When we have accepted their death we then begin to question ourselves. It's a normal process therefore you shouldn't feel that there is anything wrong or abnormal about you. It's a process that leads us out of our misery and sadness. It is okay to question yourself for a time. Just remember that at some point you have to let go of those guilty or regretful feelings in order to move into a healthy life.

2. Remember- When you begin to question yourself about the life that you shared with this person, also remember what a wonderful time that you had going through this life together. Once you can look at the reality that things weren't really all that bad then you can move into the future with wonderful memories that will last for the rest of your life.

3. Get rid of the words What if, only if, I should have, I could have- These are the worst sentence beginners in the English language and should be banished from everyone's vocabulary. Should have, could have, would have can't change a thing. They are words meant to make ourselves feel guilty and regretful. You could not have changed anything that happened. You couldn't have prevented this from happening. There is a country song that says "You can feel bad if it makes you feel better". Although this is a break up song meant for lovers, the same holds true with everything in life. You can feel as bad as you want to but it doesn't change a thing. But if it makes you feel better to feel worse for a while then maybe you just haven't gotten past that stage yet. Give it more time.

4. Do something about it- If there is something you are regretting that you feel you should have done and the guilt is that overwhelming then do

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