I'm the big sister of three children. My sister is fourteen months younger and my brother is five years younger. As time has passed, my big sister role has been distorted, by my siblings and by my own perception of myself.
As a big sister I had some level of respect from my sister nad brother. My sister, until the age of eleven was living in my shadow. I was the cleverest, the best behaved and more responsible child. When I wasn't I was quickly reminded that I should be the cleverest, best behaved and responsible because of being the eldest.
My sister took her chance to shine when she developed into a woman before I did. She was finally better than me. She found her role in life as the opposite of me. She used her new found looks to propell her into being a rebell, being misbehaved and get praise for being all these things from boys.
I envied her grown up looks. I still looked like a scrawny boy at fourteen and to make things worse I had a severe bout of acne. I was not ugly but I sure was not a beauty queen. I felt very unhappy with my looks so I did what I knew best and hid in my books and poetry, pouring out my feelings on blank pages the ink smudging with my tears.
My brother in the mean time was a little boy doing what little boys do - riding his bike, playing out with his friends and spying on his sisters. He used to be the most annoying little brat. When our friends used to come round we used to shut our bedroom door. He used to try and spy outside the open windows. Once found we would shut the window shutters and swelter in the heat whilst my devious brother would spray insect killer through the door key hole.
Looking back I actually feel sorry for him. At the end of the day we as sisters had each other (whether we got on or not) whilst my brother was in effect alone. But he never showed his unhappiness, he just turned it to more and more ingenious ways of annoying us. He was not ever remorseful for upsetting us or getting us into trouble.
For example one day he was not getting enough attention from his antics so he threw himself on the floor holding his private parts, writhing around on the floor screaming. My Mum came running into the room shouting that we had damaged her precious son.
At eighteen I left home to study abroad. I came back to visit a year later and ended up staying, leaving my studies behind. I came back home to an absent sister and a mutant brother (he was fifteen going through that awkward puberty gwarkiness). My sister had left home and had got involved with a 'bad' boy. Mum was just floating around and Dad had moved out too.
My big sister status had lost its weight. I had deserted the family therefore I no longer was worth the title. My sister would not see me because the 'bad' boy would not allow her and my brother was just too grumpy to speak to me. I got on with my life, got engaged, my brother left the country at sixteen and my sister jumped from one bad relationship to another.
Suddenly, my big sister status was reinstated. The more trouble my sister got herself into the more I was expected to sort it out. I was basically told by my Dad that I was my sister's keeper and if I knew her whereabouts I should tell him and not lie for her.
Eventually, my sister left the country and she built her life, got married and had children. I stayed, got married and had children aswell. We lived our lives, speaking sometimes on the phone and once or twice she would visit with her brood. We never shared the truth of our lives with each other.
A turn of events threw us back together when I left the country with my children after my marriage broke down, Unbeknown to me her marriage had broken down too. We ended up together with all our children in the same country, homeless.
We found our way eventually. Did the experience make us closer? No. We are further apart now than we ever were. There was always sibling rivalry but we knew our positions. I was the good big sister and she was my naughty little sister who got away with things and I always helped her out. I was still helping her out, but I didn't have the halo anymore. I had fallen from my pedestal. I still spoke the talk, but I did not walk the walk. I was a phoney big sister.
My relationship with my brother, on the other hand has become one of mutual respect. It is more of an equal relationship. We joke that I am big sis and he is my little bro but I don't do the big sister thing. I actually feel like the younger of all three sometimes. I have to remind myself that even though I am the eldest, I am not repsonsible for them or their mistakes. I still help out if I can, but I have relinquished the title of Big sister and would rather be without all the responsiblity and guilt.