by Joseph Wardy

Created on: January 14, 2009

As a baby boomer, I remember my father as the undisputed ruler of the house. The undisputed aspect is in dispute and rightfully so. Gone are the days, I hope, where it is the father's way or the highway.

Effective fathers today operate in much the same way as effective teams in the workplace: The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. The whole here represents not the separate aspects of patriarch and matriarch but a partnership of equals in raising healthy children. This approach will serve as a positive example of how our children will view child rearing.

The enclosed perspective is not the viewpoint of an outside person. I am the father of two adult children. Within my experiences and mistakes, I will share the three roles of a father within its changed aspect:

1) At the first level, father walks in front of their child in the mode of example and leadership. In the formative years of a child, their basic personality and temperament is being formed. Children in this sophisticated generation are not looking for an authoritarian form of dictator as they are an authoritative practitioner of "tough love". Children study and observe, so it is wise for me to remember the practical and wise meaning of the following quote: : " What I see speaks so loud, I can't hear what you say". We can talk until we are "blue in the face " but kids are looking at what we do matching what we say.

2) At the second level, we walk behind our teenager guiding them during these difficult years. For any of you who have raised teenagers you may find a chuckle with the following quote: " Having teenagers is God's punishment for having sex". Identical to level one, example and integrity are keys to success. What is different is the authoritative method , depending on the teenager, frequently changes to that of listening of to the teens feelings as well as facts. The compassion of remembering these difficult times coupled with keeping with "tough love "is essential.

3) At the third level, the child is now and adult and we walk beside them . We allow them to grow independently and different from us while maintaining unconditional love and support. Please consider, for their development and potential, to let them go. Please consider the following words of advice: We don't own our children, we just borrow them for a few years.

At one times, th goal was to be a good father. The changing role goes form good to caring taking out the illusion of measurement and ruler by replacing it with unconditional love and partnering!

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