by Misty Rain

Created on: January 14, 2009   Last Updated: January 02, 2010

The heart is so empty and very cold. The heart beats to the rhythm of silence. This is what happened when he left me. We spent 13 years of our lives together and never been married to each other. He was unfaithful and found another that he had a child with. I left with the thought of never going back to him. I thought I was strong enough to carry on. I thought I could move on and find another love. But, a part of me belonged to him, so my relationships never worked out.

We got back together again, in spite, of what had happened. Around this time, I grew severely ill. He mocked my illness and never gave the slightest empathy to me. He told me, "Go to work. I see nothing wrong with you." He even said he never loved me. I cried and all he did was laugh. Again, I left him and hoped that I'd never see his face again.  In the meantime, I thought I had found someone to replace him.  I was wrong.

I found someone else when I wasn't ready to look.  He was a kind soul but was quite impatient. He tried to move the sun and the moon for me.  But, I kept destroying him by comparing my him with my ex. Whenever he did something wrong, I would mention that my ex never did things that way. For example, he cleaned my room for me, but never packed the boxes the way my ex did. He lacked a little common sense which wasn't his fault being that it was a long time since he was in a relationship.  We thought we had fit well together.  But we got into so many arguments because I kept comparing him to my ex. The negativity from my previous relationship affected the one that I cared for, and I know I hurt him severly.  I was looking for someone that could give me the same feelings as my ex, which was extremely wrong for me to do. In the end, I walked away from him because he never fit the standards, but also because I did not want to hurt him anymore.

After I left that boyfriend, my ex foud me once more.  Many things had changed in the few years we had never spoken.  Again we argued and all the past dirt that was swept under the rug resurfaced.  He said he had changed, and I didn't believe a word of it.  Like oil and water, we still didn't mix, though he was still apart of my heart.  I just wanted to erase everything he and I had, since it was affecting any relationship that I found.

A few months later, I found someone again.  The relationship looked promising, and I told myself I would

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