by Michael Rupp

Created on: January 13, 2009

OPERATION MOAD: THE STORY UNFOLDS

The existence of covert government organizations is well known. They are active in areas from alien capture to counter insurgency. Only recently has knowledge of a top secret rapid diet response team been discovered. Using the code name MOAD (Mother Of All Diets), this force attempts to counter the rising fat burden of the United States population. The following series of leaked classified memos give a glimpse into the dark and little known world of MOAD.

Memo 1, December 26th, 2009

OFFICIAL MOAD COMMUNICATION

FROM: MOAD COMMAND

TO: ALL ACTIVE MOAD UNITS

SUBJECT: WAISTLINE INTELLIGENCE ALERT

MOAD INTELLIGENCE HAS UNCOVERED ALARMING EVIDENCE OF A PROGRESSIVE BREAKDOWN OF WAISTLINE PERIMETERS. THIS EXPANSION BEGAN ON OR ABOUT THANKSGIVING, AND IS PROGRESSING RELENTLESSLY. A COUNTER OPERATION IS IN PLANNING STAGES AT CENTRAL COMMAND.

ALL UNITS GO TO DIET CON 3. BE PREPARED TO MOBILIZE ON SHORT NOTICE

This memo, never intended for the public, is alarming at best. Government intrusion into family and school life has gone too far. Big brother is now watching your waistline.

Memo 2, December 30, 2009

URGENT MOAD COMMUNICATION

MOAD COMMAND INDICATES THAT DEPLOYMENT IS IMMINENT.

ADVISE LAST EXCESS BELLY LOADING ON OR ABOUT NEW YEAR'S EVE. RAPID DIET EMBARCATION TO FOLLOW SHORTLY AFTER.

ALL UNITS GO TO DIET CON 4 AND STANDBY FOR FURTHER ORDERS

While most of us were celebrating the holidays with friends and families, MOAD was busy plotting.

Freedom of eating may be the next constitutional right of all Americans to be placed in jeopardy.

MEMO 3, January 1, 2009

THIS IS NOT A DRILL

REPEAT

THIS IS NOT A DRILL

ALL UNITS MEETING THE FOLLOWING INCLUSION CRITERIA SHOULD PREPARE FOR IMMEDIATE RAPID DIET DEPLOYMENT. CRITERIA INCLUDE ANY OR ALL OF THE FOLLOWING.

1. INABILITY TO ESTABLISH VISUAL COMMUNICATION LINK WITH TOES

2. STEADY AND PROGRESSIVE WARDROBE FAILURE

3. SCALE RUNNING AWAY FROM FEET WHEN WEIGHING IS ATTEMPTED.

While you slept, MOAD mobilized. Diet impaired Americans have been targeted for behavior modification.

MEMO 4, JANUARY 2, 2009

IMMEDIATE DEPLOYMENT ORDERS

ALL UNITS MEETING INCLUSION CRITERIA ARE TO INITIATE THE FOLLOWING DIRECTIVES:

ORDERS INCLUDE:

1. ESTABLISH EFFECTIVE MOUTH CONTROL PERIMETER AROUND HEAD

2. DETAIN AND QUESTION ALL SIMPLE CARBOHYDRATES AND SATURATED FAT UNITS

3. ESTABLISH LIASON AND WORKING RELATIONSHIP WITH LOCAL FRUITS AND VEGETABLES

4. SEEK OUT AND ACQUIRE SCALE DATA WEEKLY. RECORD AND CHART DATA. REPORT RESULTS TO MOAD CENTRAL COMMAND.

The words speak for themselves. Is there now a wiretap in your refrigerator? Has your microwave been bugged? Only time will tell.

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