by Brian Fleming

Created on: January 13, 2009   Last Updated: January 19, 2010

First off, this is a comical piece; in this article, I am going to discuss what I am going to do with a million pounds in weight, not currency.

So, what would I do with a million pounds? Assuming that this added weight wouldn't kill me straight off the bat. At one million two hundred and fifty pounds, I would officially be the heaviest man in the entire world. I could go on tour, not as a circus act, but with Ripley's believe it or not. I could meet interesting people and explore the world. I could talk to the forked tongue man face to face. Maybe I would become close friends with the wolf man (you know, the man who has black thick hair growing all over his face). People could climb on top of me, like a mountain. I could lay by a lake and people could jump off of me like I was a high dive. I could charge a fee, in no time flat I would earn thousands of dollars. Who knows, my new business could actually earn me one million pounds. I could be the first million pound millionaire.

Yes, I know all of this sounds very weird, so maybe I would quit working for Ripley and start my own business in therapy. My clients would be overweight people who have a self-esteem issues. I would tell them, "Hey, you have nothing to feel bad about, raise up your head and have fun. I mean, look at me." My client would look at me, all one million two hundred and fifty pounds and realize, "Hey, I'm really not that big after all, people should appreciate who I am, not how much I weigh.' I would bring confidence to the thousands of overweight individuals in America. This would reduce the suicide rates in the United States and this will positively affect thousands more lives, the spouses, children, family, and friends of these overweight individuals will be positively affected by their change of self-esteem.

When I do end up dying, (while hopefully doing something I enjoy, like relaxing with my wife or enjoying a good thriller movie), I will donate my body to science. This way, scientists can see how my weight did not negatively affect my life and maybe it will allow others to live a happy life, while still being overweight.

So, to wrap it up, gaining one million pounds would only be a positive thing for me. As long as this poundage does not negatively affect my health, (now, I'm not sure how this could be, but let's just imagine for a bit). So, what would you do with one million pounds? Would you affect the world positively as I would?

Thanks for listening.

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