If thoughts could kill, there would be a lot of dead people. But if you have psychic power, you might actually be able to kill people with your thoughts. That could be a big plus in the competitive work market.
An angry CEO hits the intercom and asks his secretary, "Have Dennis Baker come into my office immediately."
"I'm sorry, sir, but Mr. Baker died suddenly last night."
"How did that happen?"
"He made our new employee Mike Reasoner mad before leaving for home and Mr. Reasoner gave him the evil eye."
"Then send in Steve Herbert right away."
"I'm sorry, but he just went home after his head shrank to the size of a ping pong ball. He told Mr. Reasoner that he was small-minded. That was when Mr. Reasoner said something in Latin and then the shrinking began."
"I guess I'm going to have to promote Mr. Reasoner. My kids already think I'm a pinhead. I don't want to wind up as one."
Using psychic techniques can come in helpful on many occasions. Take for instance company gossip and secrets. The more you know, the more leverage you have.
In the office of a CEO, the new employee, Fran Sisko, is taking dictation.
"As a valued employee, I am rewarding you for your good work with an extra $150 a week," he says.
"Hush money?" the woman asks.
"What did you say?" he says, shocked.
"You know what you did with her last Saturday night. She said no and you just kept on pushing and pushing and pushing-"
"That will be enough, Miss Sisko. How did you know that in the first place?"
"The same way I know you cheated on your wife and she had to divorce you. I also know you let that Doberman hump your wife's poodle which made the puppies worth less."
"How in the world did you know that? Are you psychic?"
"Yes I am. And yes, they are real."
"What are.....I guess you are psychic. In that case-"
"Thank-you, sir. I can sure use the boost in pay. And no, I won't tell them about the 'rebate' to the sales woman at the dealership so that you could get the BMW for a special price."
Having psychic ability can scare a lot of people or make them suspicious. But if used right, it can increase your importance on the job.
It's after hours at the office. The janitorial team has left and only the emergency and exit lights are on. A team of ghostbusters are in the office trying to find the long-departed Mr. Waverly who is supposed to be haunting the place. One of the members is someone who works in the office.
The sound of typing is heard from a cubicle. The team slowly approaches the sound. The office worker sees him first and stands at the opening of the cubicle.
"So you're Mr. Waverly. I've heard about you."
The typing stops and the ghost turns to see the office worker, shocked that anyone could see him.
"You can see me?" he asks.
"As plain as day. Why are you still here? Why didn't you walk into the light like all other dead people do?"
"I want to finish my novel first. I'm only on page 127. It's not even half way done."
"But you're dead."
"Yeah, I know. But I never had time to write it while I was alive. I always said I would write a novel if it were the last thing I ever did. I guess it actually will be the last thing I do."
"Why don't you come home with me and do it there? I'll introduce you to Prokofiev. He's finishing up some music he never got a chance to complete while he was alive. "
Centuries ago, people with psychic ability were considered witches and were often executed. Now they are very popular and could make some companies very successful, as long as the companies aren't ridiculed for using psychics.
At the annual stockholders meeting, the CEO takes questions from the people assembled there as he stands at the podium.
"How did you know that the oil market was going to soar and then plunge? Even the experts thought it would never go down as far and as fast as it did," said one of the people standing in the middle of the room.
"My investment advisor Fred told me it was going to happen and that we had to move fast to buy before the climb and sell at the peak."
Another stockholder rises to her feet and asks, "Why did you buy the company Clerko Construction? Did you know it was going to invent those tools before you purchased the company?"
"My investment advisor Fred told me last spring that Clerko was about to bring out those tools and that the $3 million was all they needed to finish work on them. The company is now worth 20 times what I paid for it."
"Who is this Fred you keep talking about?" asked a third stockholder.
"He is an investment advisor and that's all I'm going to say. Next question."
A fourth person stands and says, "I hear he is a psychic. Is that correct?"
"No comment."
"My psychic friend Bill said you would say that."
Sometimes a person doesn't need to be a psychic to use psychic techniques. If you know something that no one else knows, you can appear to be psychic. Just don't tell anyone you're normal like they are.
A CEO talks with his "psychic" over the phone and says, "You were right about how that new program was going to affect the business. Senator Joe Schmo pushed it just like you said he would. You saved this company at least $30 million. Look into your crystal ball and tell me something else I should know."
"Senator Schmo is going to propose tighter emissions standards and it looks like they're going to pass. You had better install those scrubbers by next week or else the company is going to be fined $10,000 a day starting next month."
"You've been so right so often about Senator Schmo. It's uncanny. I don't know how you do it, but keep on doing it."
The CEO hangs up the phone and the "psychic" says to himself, "Thank goodness he married my sister and he talks in his sleep."
Not all companies need psychics to get ahead. But if they work for a company, the boss better use them for the benefit of the company. He doesn't want to wind up as a pinhead.