by Ian Jervis

Created on: January 12, 2009

Who Comes First?

Often there are many reasons why a relationship fails; one person cheats on another or the shine goes off what you had as a couple, when you first met and what you had pictured your relationship being like isn't happening. Whatever the reason is, most of the time, if you have been the instigator in the failure of a relationship, it comes down to us.

We are self-centred! We are not getting what we want from a relationship so we will either end it or be constantly looking elsewhere to find what we are looking for. And why do we need to do that? Could it be that our needs aren't being met?

Well, why not try something else for a change! Not something new; something very old that you have heard a million times before but never put into practise! Take your eyes off yourself and put them on the other person! Your partner!

We have become so focused on what it is that we want that we can so easily forget the wants of the other person involved!

We live in a world of instant coffee, instant meals, instant everything and in a relationship we want instant gratification! What can I get from this? What's in it for me? Then if we don't get it, then we get down and need someone or something to give us a lift. We start to feel sorry for ourselves, and if someone else takes notice and sympathises with us, they become that person who 'understands' us.

I totally believe that one of the reasons why my marriage is so awesome and vibrant, is that we both look after and take care of each others needs. Lisa comes first in my eyes, way above my own needs! I come first in her eyes and so on. You may say, "how twee!" but I can honestly say that from my experience it works all the time.

How would you feel about somebody who took time to really get to know you and when they found out what you want, did everything in their power to make it happen for you! You would naturally want to do something for them too, wouldn't you? Yahshua Jesus Christ said, "Love your neighbour as yourself." In other words treat people in the way you would like to be treated. When you serve someone in this way, success has to be the result.

This principle works in every field in life; at work, in family life with your kids, in your social life and especially in a relationship. And as for your sex life, wow! It will be awesome if you put the other person first!

Always try and put yourself in their shoes, rather than moaning about life in yours. True fulfillment will come, in a relationship when you see your partner blossom into the man or woman you always saw them being. This is achieved not by taking from a partner, but by giving, giving, giving!

Learn more about this author, Ian Jervis.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.