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handle it properly. Perhaps as a natural course of evolution or genetics, when losing a mate, one needs to find a new one, to be attractive to a new one. Although you may not feel like starting up a new relationship, let yourself start to look better anyway. Getting into shape, losing weight to a healthy level, can only help to make you fell better about yourself. And it never hurts to catch someone's eye, especially when your self-esteem is low and you feel like no one will ever love you again.

Finally, exercise all your options. If you have a religion, if you have ways of focusing your daily thoughts in a positive way, seek out meditation or practice relaxation techniques. Try not to relax only by watching TV, or drinking, smoking or other negative behaviors; stay away from any addictive behaviors like pills, if at all possible, or only under a doctor's supervision and remember that how your kids see you dealing with the situation, and with the stress in general, will have a profound effect on them for the rest of their lives.

Talk with your child(ren) about the separation or divorce. If at all possible, make plans to talk with your child(ren) before any changes in their lives take place. Also try to talk with them when your ex is present.

Continuously remind your children of your love. Not so that it is too obvious to them, but in ways that they feel reassured, and that pleases them. Find time for them. Be respectful in your words and attitude regarding your ex when explaining divorce. After all, this is a person that was your best friend for years, try to remember that. Let the child(ren) know that the situation is in no way related to them and that it is not their fault in any way. Also, let them know that they are not responsible for fixing the situation. They are responsible only for fixing relationships they have with others, not fixing others' relationships with still others.

Explain to them about the upcoming changes in living arrangements, school and activities. Let them know when these things will happen and remind them from time to time so when they finally do happen, they are not taken by surprise. They may wish to put it out of their minds and have trouble dealing with it, so that when finally it is time they will become overwhelmed. On the other hand, don't you overwhelm them with all the details. Communicate with them as their age dictates. And always try to be emotionally available to comfort them. It will typically come at the worst time for you, so be prepared. Children can read your stress and subtext, so that when the moment comes that you are most stressed, that may be when they need your love and attention the most. Use those times to both your, and their, benefit.

If there has been much conflict in the home, children may deeply experience even more so, the loss of the parent who is leaving, or even the loss of hope for reconciliation. For a long time after the break up, children can continue to hope, and pursue their parents getting back together. This can covertly, even go on inside them into their high school years. So be aware of this and that some things they do, may be happening because of a desire to see their parents get back together again, which is a natural and understandable desire for them to have.

In the end, change can be good and they need to understand and eventually see that this is true. There is life after divorce, even for the children.

Learn more about this author, JZ Murdock.
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