by Fiona Mcgrath

Created on: January 12, 2009   Last Updated: March 09, 2009

Helping a friend cope with IVF

As infertility is such a common problem everyone will know someone experiencing some level of difficulty. Oftentimes we are not aware that the couple are even trying but there are tell-tale signs which indicate that a problem exists. It is difficult to know how to deal with such a sensitive issue as it is largely swept under the carpet with even closest family members being left to speculate the reasons regarding the absence of babies. Although most people know someone in this situation they may feel helpless to assist their friend and say nothing for fear of saying the wrong thing.

A couple may simply decide to remain child-free and if so they should not have to defend their decision so ultimately no one has the right to demand why any couple do not have children . However, if the couple are experiencing fertility problems perhaps they may benefit from talking about it. Avoid a blunt demand for information and certainly do not tell them that time is running out. Try to be aware of certain signs they may remain silent or seem uncomfortable during baby conversations; they may be unwilling to make eye contact making their excuses to exit as soon as possible; there may be a reluctance to discuss how long they have been with their partner for fear of the baby question being next.

If they do tell you that they are experiencing problems remember it may have been quite a difficult leap to divulge something so painful. Do not be overly positive in an attempt to make them feel better, "I know things will work out for you, I can just see you with your own little baby". You are probably inadvertently trying to make yourself feel better by putting an optimistic light on the situation. Your friend may be facing very depressing odds for success as IVF pregnancy occurs in only one of three attempts. On the other hand don't start bemoaning the bleakness of her terrible dilemma. Acknowledge her pain and fear, ask questions sensitively but most of all be there to listen. If you don't know what to say, just be honest, "I don't what to say to you but I'm so sorry you have to go through this, if you need to talk I'm here".

Treat the problem with respect and never try to make light of it in an attempt to make the person feel better. Obviously everyone handles the problem differently but nevertheless you are on very shaky ground if you try to make jokes about it as attempt to alleviate the stress.

Often being in the company of others can be very nerve-wracking

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