by Christine G.

Created on: January 11, 2009

Greed is one of the classic seven deadly sins. Not only does it destroy the person who harbours it, but it destroys relationships, familities, and lives. Everyone has experienced the twinges of greed, and also the results of others' greed. We ask ourselves how come love is not more important then greed, and often feel guilty when someone treats us ruthlessly to serve his/her greed, imagining that we are at fault in some way.

Folk wisdom has it that you should never do business with your family. And yet we see family businesses that thrive, and everyone seems content and fulfilled. This could be because someone is dominant and no one dares to object, or because some family members are living in a fool's paradise, and don't realize the true situation. It could also be because expectations are clear, boundaries have been set, and the paperwork has been done as well as it can be done, and is legally binding on everyone.

Loans fall under the heading of doing business. Some people are always in need, and think the family should be a bottomless bank which supplies on-demand loans that don't need to be re-paid until it is convenient, about two weeks after hell freezes over. The safest answer to these requests is NO, with a pleasant smile. After a while, the person will move on to someone else. Giving money "just this once" is like pouring gasoline on a fire.

If a family member who is usually responsible has a legitimate need for funds, either make it a gift, or draw up the legal paperwork. If the terms of the loan are not met, you will have the option of going to court to claim what is yours. This will unleash a terrible outcry of protest, and accusations of disloyalty, hard-heartedness and greed, but that is the price you will have to pay to get your money back.

Battles over estates are the worst wars of all. Some family members will barge in and grab whatever they can. Issues of love, grief, guilt and blame get dumped on property disputes. If you are the executor of a will, secure all the property until things are settled, and don't give anyone else a key.

Some family members will give up their property rights because they are afraid of being ostracized by other family members. That will not improve their status with the family one bit. Others will lose respect for the "push-over", and push even harder for a bigger piece of the pie.

How to cope? Love, accept and forgive your family members, warts and all. At the same time, maintain your boundaries. Boundaries keep your

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