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and a little nauseous.

The following is a unsent letter written by myself to John Doe.

Dear Mr. John Doe,
I do realize me sending you this is making a mountain out of something I've probably invented to begin with . But I fidget and overanalyze. I can't help it and I expect you to play along. I'm a little frustrated with an encounter we had a few years back. I feel I have been misinterpreted by you and I feel you judged me inaccurately based on those misinterpretations.

I realize your generation set out to rail against the society you grew up in. You aimed your punk rock guns at the status quo and fired. Shot dead was disco. Shot dead was the oil embargo. Shot dead was the light blue leisure suit. However, what you don't seem to understand is thisthe thing you rebelled against has become my way of rebelling.

I was very proud of my light blue leisure suit. I had just gotten it that morning at the Funny Farm. You see, my generation doesn't rebel in he same fashion as those before us. Our rebellion is much more subtle. We rebel with irony. It's like wearing a Garth Brooks t-shirt to a Decemberists concert. It would be really un-cool if you didn't know it was un-cool! But knowing it isn't cool makes it cool! I realize it's an odd and fine line but these are much more complicated times. My suit was phenomenally un-cool but I knew that. So when you said "Nice suit", you should have meant it and not made me feel nauseous. In that situation it was a nice suit. It was a cool suit.

I know you've probably heard about how I acted when I met John Flansburg from They Might Be Giants. I was so nervous. I got weak in the knees and couldn't form a coherent sentence. He had just gotten out of the shower after a show and was drinking a Corona. I meant to say, "I love Mexican girlsbut I hate Corona." We would have all laughed. Instead I said, "I love Corona." He then offered me one and I drank it. Not only did I lie to one of my idols but I still can't get that foul taste out of my mouth.

I'm sure you expected the same behaviorbut at the time, when I met you, I wasn't a fan. I had no intention of getting an autograph. I've read every history of music book ever published so I was very familiar with your name and your contribution to music. You guy's were the Grateful Dead of Punk Rock! But I wasn't a fan. I was just a dude with one of his friends and he was introducing me to one of his friends. Nothing more than that.

Anyway, since our meeting I have become a bit of a fan. I recently purchased your Los Angeles album and have become quite close to it. I can honestly say you deserve all the accolades that have come your way. I want you to know I'm going to attend the reunion show you have planned later this year. If you would like to talk after the show look for the guy with the Huey Lewis and the News t-shirt. Here's the funny thing though. I actually like Huey Lewis. Me wearing that t-shirt to an "X" reunion show is totally un-cool. But this is the great thing about my generation. They won't even question it. We are so afraid of not being in on the joke that we wouldn't dare question someone with a Huey Lewis t-shirt. Nobody wants to be the dork that didn't realize someone was being ironic. I could shun someone for wearing a Huey Lewis t-shirt and thinking it was cool but if I made fun of someone's Huey Lewis t-shirt when they were being ironicwellI would have to shoot myself.

Learn more about this author, Shane Cook.
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