by Alisha Link

Created on: January 10, 2009   Last Updated: September 02, 2010

If you're a parent you've been there. Some of us cave faster than others, but we've all had our moments. Moments when our previously perfect children become little imps sucking all the energy and willpower right out of us. Moments when we will do just about anything to keep a toddler from screaming, a four year old from whining, or a ten year old from smacking the whining four year old. A candy bar? A trip to McDonald's? A new toy or maybe that scooter you've been begging me for? Whatever it takes to get them to behave and quit embarrassing us in front of all the "good" mommies and daddies and their perfectly behaved little angels. In the moment it's easy to let our frustrations wear us down and let our children win, but we must stay strong!

While bribing may seem like a solution to get our children to behave, it really can do more harm than good. Bribing children teaches them that they will be rewarded for misbehaving. Being that children are a manipulative bunch, it doesn't take long for them to catch on and milk it for all its worth. Pretty soon they come to expect these little bribes and this bribing tactic has completely backfired. Now instead of taking control of our children, they now control us.

What children really need in order to behave are boundaries or rules, consequences for their actions, and parents with a whole lot of strength and willpower. They need to know EXACTLY what is expected of them, as children are also masters at finding loopholes. Once they know what is expected of them and how they are expected to behave, then they need to be fully warned that there will be consequences if they do not follow these expectations. They need to know that we the parents are not bluffing, and that we will follow through. This may take a few tries, but they will soon realize that we mean business!

The bottom line is that bribing our children to behave is really not as much a solution but a quick fix for our temporary moments of insanity. To let a child control a parent goes against everything parenting is supposed to be about. We are supposed to be guiding them through life and one of the many things they need to know is how to control themselves. I've seen many a teenager throw a hissy fit and walk out of the restaurant I managed, and trust me they did not get a special treat! To prepare our children for life they have to be responsible for their actions, and it's our job to show them how.

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