by Walter Grace

Created on: January 10, 2009

From a child's point of view, remarriage can be a blessing. While there are many good writings and anecdotal evidence to the contrary, my experience with this subject was one of acceptance, and relief. While these experiences are unique to me, they point out that not every remarriage is doomed to failure and can be a success on so many levels. The steps leading up to this were painful and etched into my early childhood memories.

Mom and Dad were basically two otherwise good people, but made one mistake. They had a relationship far too young. This writer believes from the bottom of his heart that children are a gift from God, but this might not have been one my parents were ready for. Dad could not take the consequences of family life and left Mom with two children. Though I don't blame him and forgive him, it made life easier that he wasn't there. The fact was that he physically and verbally abused my mother and was frequently gone. One instance I remember was when he left with other men in a big motor home. Years later, I found out that he was going to see one of his girlfriends. All I knew was that Dad was leaving again.

Mom and Dad separated in 1972 or 1973, shortly after I nearly died from iron poisoning and eating an entire bottle of vitamins. I was two and my younger sister was just a baby. The divorce was final in 1976, but Dad had played a minor part in our lives anyway.

When I was four and Juli, my sister was two, Mom started dating again. The new man was Bob, a tall, thin man with a huge afro (he is white) wearing bell bottoms and I can't remember what shirt, but probably looking much like a hippy. (This was the 1970's). This wasn't the ideal, or perfect relationship, but neither of us children cared. We had now had Bob's parents taking us camping, fishing, hunting and everywhere else. We were their grandchildren in every respect except for name. Russ and Daisy were grandpa and grandma to us and still are to this day. Mom and Bob married in July of 1979 and have been so nearly thirty years. We accepted him from day one. We have a very good relationship to this day.

Today, I cannot imagine life without Bob or being part of his family, who accpted me and my sister as if we were their own. I've learned to repair things others throw away or hire others for because Russ was a mechanic and handyperson. He taught me everything I know about fixing things. I also learned to be a parent and accept little children because of their family, (Daisy ran a daycare) and more importantly, to accept a child as my own, even though we are fostering. My wife and I are adopting a now ten month old boy and he could not be any more ours if we gave birth to him ourselves.

The whole purpose of life and maybe the best way to make the best of a remarriage, is acceptance and making room in your heart for a few more.

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