by Ms Dark

Created on: January 10, 2009

Remarriage effects children in more ways than an adult can imagine. As a child who has lived through a parent getting remarried, and the subsequent "war" that followed, allow me to be the first to say that the damage that can be done is immense.

One of the first emotions/reactions is one of anger at the parent who is remarrying. How dare they leave Mom/Dad to marry someone else?! How dare they think of themselves above their (ex-)wife/husband and family?! How dare they move on with their own life, regardless of how everyone feels about it?! Anger is a symptom that commonly masks insecurity, pain, helplessness and (most importantly of all) fear. I watched as my father moved on with his life, remarried a woman who appeared to be the picture of motherly goodness, and continue on his career path... all apparently without missing a beat. It wasn't until much, MUCH later in my life (and his) that he sat me down and explained to me why he left my mother (more than once, apparently) and moved on, and that it had nothing and everything to do with all three of us children.

Another emotion is that of insecurity. Is it my fault? What did I do wrong to make Mom/Dad leave? How can I make her/him come back? As a child of divorce, I spent many years trying to get my parents back together, as did my middle brother. We tried everything our childish minds could think of, but to no avail. Mom and Dad refused to cooperate! Thinking like that caused the anger to resurface, starting a vicious cycle.

Betrayal is another feeling that swims around in a child's soul, once again leading to anger and insecurity. Are you seeing the pattern? A child, regardless of how their parents explain the situation and the reasoning, will always feel betrayed that their Mom/Dad remarried and thereby changing the family dynamic permanently, which, in most cases, will breed resentment, contempt, and (in worst case scenarios) hatred for the "new" person in their parent's life.

Aside from the typhoon of insane emotions swirling around in a child's soul, a lot of other factors come into play. The personality of the "new" person has a lot to do with the effect this change will have on a child. My stepmother appeared, for the first 5 years of being with my Dad, as the epitome of motherly goodness and light. Once she was sure that she had my father locked into marriage (he firmly believes in his vows and is staunchly old-fashioned), she changed, becoming The Wicked Stepmother, the creature of nightmares and fairy

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