by Caroline Garlick

Created on: January 10, 2009

"You're not allowed that."

Your helpful, concerned husband just happens to enter the kitchen at the exact moment your grasping fingers are reaching for the last of that big bar of chocolate. You know, the one you bought with the intention of treating yourself to one square of per day as a reward for all your hard work? It was a shame that your favourite weepy film was on last night; after all, it's unthinkable to have a box of tissues on one arm of your chair without the chocolate on the other. I mean, you're only human, aren't you?

You mumble something about only having your head in the refrigerator to grab a carrot stick or an apple, then, recognising the knowing smirk on your loved one's face, realise you probably should have come up with a marginally more convincing lie.

Okay. He's right, of course. Now, let's think of some of the advice the skinny, sanctimonious slimming club leader discussed at the last meeting - ways to avoid the craving for naughty foods. Number one; don't buy it in the first place. Well, it's too late for that, obviously, but in your defence, it was on special offer, and there is a credit crunch. You have to take a bargain where you can get it these days. Number two; go for a walk to take your mind off it. It's raining, though. Three; have a glass of water. Water fills you up and also helps flush toxins out of your body, or something. Right. That, you can do. You make your way to the cupboard for a tumbler, then, reasonably, decide that it doesn't matter if the water is boiled, and there's a spoonful of instant coffee in it, does it? There are no calories in coffee. Admittedly, there are calories in the teaspoon of sugar, but that was an accident, added to the mug by sheer force of habit. And it would be wasteful to tip the whole lot away. Credit crunch, you see.

From the living room, your wise, mindful other half, upon hearing the kettle boil, calls, "Ooh, you making a coffee, love? Bring us a biscuit with it, will you?"

Charming, that. He's allowed it, but you're not. Opening the biscuit tin, you discover that there's only two Kitkats left. They're the smaller, two-finger ones. Maybe he'll want both. Let's take them both through, with the mugs of coffee. Just in case he wants both of them. You know, to make it like having a full-sized Kitkat. Yes, that's the reason. A treat for him. You're so good to him.

"Why'd you bring two?" he immediately enquires as you enter the room with the spoils, "I only wanted one."

"Oh. Well, I thought you might

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